Everyone Needs Some Thrift Shop Douche


Book cover found by Lelio (original post here). Pure horror!

I thought I’d ease you guys into this post with a picture of a fluffy kitten, because I’m about to post the wrongest shit ever. Think of this intro image as a reverse unicorn chaser, because I’m sadistic like that.

So the image above and the images below come from a cozy little LiveJournal community called thrifthorror. The concept behind this community is simple:

Some things you can’t even give away … except to the church’s thrift store. Saw an abomination unto taste at the Salvation Army? Encountered pure terror – or Junior’s faintly suggestive third grade clay pot marked at $7.99- at Goodwill? Send a picture, tell the story. Maybe through our combined efforts, that pot can find a home.

Most of the images posted speak for themselves, but they get ten times better with contributors’ colorful commentary. Some select favorites, with comments from the journal, below:

Top Row

1. Leave the Wright brothers alone!! [source]
2. This is what happens when you scramble duck eggs that were nearly ready to hatch. Imagine standing over the stove, compulsively poking at your eggs with a spatula, when a little yellow head pops up from the congealing mass of rapidly denaturing proteins. Then another little head. Then another. [source]
3. Santa wants you to bend over now. [source]

Middle Row

1. Choking the Chicken? (I know, it’s a goose) [source]
2. I think, think, it’s supposed to be a humorous cover for a tissue box. [source]
3. No trip to the thrift store is complete without a pig orgy. [source]

Bottom Row

1. Take a picture, it lasts longer. [source]
2. Actually, I know where all those scuffs are from. I mean, it’s pretty obvious. This kid got beaten up. A lot. [source]
3. Everyone needs some thrift shop douche! [source]

20 Responses to “Everyone Needs Some Thrift Shop Douche”

  1. Alice Says:

    What sort of thrift store worker even ACCEPTS a box of douche? You know what, don’t answer that…

  2. Jami Says:

    That community looks brilliant!
    The thrift store douche reminds me of seeing pregnancy tests at the dollar store…

  3. Greg Kennedy Says:

    The true winner of this community happened in mid-October of last year: http://community.livejournal.com/thrifthorror/207368.html

  4. R. Says:

    Wow, I’ve seen it all now. Thrift store douche…amazing. Why anyone take that I’d love to know.

  5. Jessica Says:

    Wrongest shit EVER…yes indeedy. IMHO, sex doll mouth baby wins hands down!

  6. Peter S. Says:

    @ Greg Kennedy:

    Oh, dear lord that is . . . Oh man. BabyMouth is more immediately creepy, but that one sticks to your brain.

  7. drowningmermaid Says:

    I’m honored that one of my images has made your top list (choking the chicken). Thanks for the publicity for the community. maybe we’ll get some more posters with all new horrors!

  8. Rex Parker Says:

    O man, “box of douche” just made me snort gin out my nose. Well, into my sinuses, anyway. That #%#& hurts.

    rp

  9. Skerror Says:

    That baby one is monstrous. That something like that even exists in the first place is terrifying…and then someone goes, “I bet someone else would enjoy this. Better take it to the thrift store.” I really hope that was never marketed for mass consumption. A full rack of those would be some serious hell-on-earth shit.

    Unicorn gonna need back-up on this one:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/87258185@N00/sets/72157603724213121/

  10. Lelio Says:

    Glad you liked my image enough to gank it as well! (Virgin Heat kitty) Yay publicity!

  11. cappy Says:

    I used to have boots like that, but they were frogs, and somehow looked more dumb than those.

  12. Dar Says:

    OMG that’s MY douche! I’m honored. XD

  13. Nadya Says:

    Lelio: Oh man! All that time linking back to all the little images… and I forgot the big one! Fixed. Thanks for the great find!

  14. Ornith Says:

    Have you seen the ugly_crap lj comm? it’s much the same concept, but for generally sold products rather than thrift stores – etsy has some real doozies.

  15. Lelio Says:

    Nadya: No worries! xD Thanks for the credit. And again, for featuring the community!

  16. Jerem Morrow Says:

    “One of us! Thrift store douche! One of us! Hehehehehehehe!”

    Gooble gobble, gooble gobble.

  17. Io Says:

    This is fucking delightful!

    It reminds me of the time I was wandering through my hometown Oliver Hardy Festival with my awesome publisher when we came upon a really incredible collector’s plate. On it was an image of the NASCAR crash that killed Dale Earnhardt and above it in the sky, painted in misty hues, was Dale’s face, nearly cheek-to-cheek with Jesus, gazing wistfully down at the inferno.

    Alas, I didn’t have a camera on me that day and I was clearly insane because I didn’t purchase this priceless and moving work of art.

  18. Lauren Says:

    Lol pregnancy tests at a dollar store and that place that has the douche is suppose to be a church salvation army?!? LOL
    Obviously…they want to be “clean” everywhere

    LOL LOL!
    I am so horrible…but the door was left wiiiiide open

    OOPS
    Another one popped out lol!
    HAHA

  19. Tequila Says:

    I’d so rock those blue dog boots. Hard.

    @Io: “…we came upon a really incredible collector’s plate. On it was an image of the NASCAR crash that killed Dale Earnhardt and above it in the sky, painted in misty hues, was Dale’s face, nearly cheek-to-cheek with Jesus, gazing wistfully down at the inferno…”

    I must, Must, MUST! have that. I can already imagine it but I’m sure the reality is much cooler. I think what kept you from buying it was the sheer level of awesome…it would be too much for one house to handle. Such artwork clearly belongs in a museum. A class one too. Like that one in Paris with that picture of that lady smirkin’.

  20. Io Says:

    Tequila: You’re right, such a masterpiece belongs in the Louvre, not my humble abode.

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