You see that title? Do you? Have a good look at. Study it. Let it roll around in your mind. That right there is but a small glimpse into my process. This is how I got to where I am today, folks; making up words that make me chortle. One day, with enough practice, maybe you to can be paid to make up silly words. Until then, leave it to the professionals. Moving on!
Surely we are all familiar with the congruences between The Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. A favorite pastime of the connoisseur of illicit substances, it is guaranteed in such circles to blow one’s mind. Having experienced the monumental coincidence that is this pairing I must admit that it can be fairly impressive. Still, even devotees must admit that the act has become a bit stale. Certainly, in this wondrous, fast-paced digital age our culture must have produced another strange, random fusing of disparate works in different media? Rest assured that such a vacuum has been filled by the unholy coupling of a dance number from 80s roller-skate sensation Xanadu and “Teamwork” by poet laureate Ludacris.
I will admit I know very little of Xanadu, other than the aforementioned use of roller-skates and what I have read of the court transcripts from Olivia Newton-John’s trial in The Hague. Ludacris I am slightly more familiar with, having watched his stunning performance in the Academy Award-winning after school special, Crash. His musical stylings, however, were heretofore unknown to me. Had I known the power of his words, the complex layering of imagery that he manages to weave, I would have remedied this lamentable situation much sooner; for not since T.S. Eliot’s “Ballad of an Engorged Member” has there been such a potent and dynamic ode to ménage à trois and sexual prowess. His technique of numerating body parts is sublime in its simplicity. His descriptive powers are unmatched, the couplet “Not to mention it’s gonna get hot, better come ready to sweat. I make women cum harder than jacuzzi jets” bringing to mind a gleaming nymph propelling herself from his enraged penis and across the room by the force of her own ejaculate.
Needless to say, such a masterpiece would have elevated any film with which it was paired, but something about these synchronized skaters vapidly grinning while tripping the light fantastic to the words “Get in the game and start working it out and digging it out. Now lean to the side, throw a dick in your mouth,” well, it’s just magical. The Dark Side of Oz has, at last, a worthy successor and we are all a little better for it.