Let’s be clear: I’ve spent some time on the internet. It is debatable whether it is too much time; but at this point I think my deathbed speech could be a meme re-imagining of Roy Batty’s death scene. There are times, regardless of the wonders which course through the tubes, that I find myself bored and listless. Regardless of how many strange bits of fascinating minutia there may be floating around, sometimes they fail to excite, to provoke any sort of response.

I’ll admit that this is due more to my own state of mind than the quality of the content on offer. Sometimes there is nothing that is going to inspire me; nothing to stir my sluggish and stubborn brain into action. Thankfully there are people like Keandra4ever. They know that, when you’re at your lowest, the best thing for it is a musical tribute to a dashing, Hawaiian little person; because no one ignites the imagination quite like Keanu.

Nutella is Totally Alt*

By Mike Bates and Sean Dicken. (Via Gooby, thanks!)

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who have known the sweet, swooning rapture of a Nutella binge… and Skippy-on-Wonderbread eaters.

The former have created elaborate websites devoted to the spread, written effusive poetry, made Rihanna “Nutella-ella-ella” sendups and started Facebook groups declaring their love. The latter have a hollow, empty feeling inside that no amount of pasteurized peanut butter and spongey white bread can ever hope to fill.

Also see:

*This tenuously relevant post brought to you by a proofreading-induced brain embolism. (We’re in lockdown for print issue 04.)

Ripley and Mad Max Making Out to Vangelis

Michael Doyle over at Burnlab reports, “I stumbled across this clip from The Year of Living Dangerously this morning while doing a search for Vangelis [the seminal electronic music composer responsible for the Blade Runner score]. Ripley and Mad Max making out to Vangelis = awesome.” Aww!

Ripley and Mad Max making out to Vangelis = awesome.

Sigourney Weaver and Mel Gibson in Peter Weir’s brilliant film The Year of Living Dangerously


RUFFGASM! With Your Host, Natalie Shau.

Remember the Coilhouse ode to ruffs? And the slightly shorter ode to digital artist/photographer Natalie Shau? Well, here we have two great tastes that taste great together. I could easily see this image, titled Dominion, on the cover of Elegy. I love the colors, the wallpaper, the texture of the ruff. The waist is maybe a bit too Ralph Lauren-ish – if you’re going to make it that small, I feel like it should look obviously cinched, like Mr. Pearl – but I love everything else about it. Go Natalie! For more new work, check out her site.

BTC: Living Photograph (Chris With Teacup)

On this glorious morn, waiting for a carafe of velvety, life-sustaining double black french roast to steep, this is exactly what I look like:

So wrong, yet so right. Like one of Siege’s exquisite Long Portraits, only in Bizarro world.

Uncanny isn’t it? We could very well be twins, Chris and I– separated at birth, but forever bonded on some bone-deep, intuitive level by our mutual love of awkwardly protracted silence and sensual mouth-breathing. The only real difference is, my tits are hairier.

Aum Shinrikyo Anime Funtime!

Via DJ Dead Billy, who says “if only L RON would’ve delved into anime!” Think of the possibilities.

That cute and cuddly bearded fellow you’re watching in the above clip is none other Shoko Asahara, founder of Aum Shinrikyo (Supreme Truth), the infamous Japanese Buddhist/Christian cult obsessed with psychedelics, yoga and apocalypse. They’re now known as Aleph. Guess they felt like they had to change their name after receiving a smidge of bad press back in 1995, when a group of their members released sarin nerve gas into Tokyo’s subway system, killing twelve people and sending thousands more to the hospital.

Yeesh! Asahara with the Dalai Lama, sometime in the late 80s. This was a while before Aum Shinrikyo’s terrorist activities, kidnappings and murders started, mind you. The DL’s inner circle members was initially supportive of the cult’s bid for legal religious organization status, but later severed all ties. More recently, Asahara has been a vocal critic of the Dalai Lama and Tibetan Buddhism.

It’s worth noting that Aum’s previous deployment  of sarin gas on the central city of Matsumoto was officially the world’s first use of chemical weapons in a terrorist attack against civilians. Asahara was convicted of masterminding both attacks in addition to committing several other crimes, and sentenced to death. He’s now awaiting execution.

Friday Afternoon Movie: M

Christ, again? Seriously, you knew your boss was crazy but this is just getting ridiculous. I mean, how many pictures of fucking Spiderman does one man need, really? They never publish more than two or three anyway. Bet the bastard probably jerks off to ’em at home. Asshole. Well screw him, you’ve got better things to do than indulge his weird fetishes. It’s time for the FAM.

For your enjoyment we present M – Eine Stadt sucht einen Mörder or simply M as it was known here, Fritz Lang’s story of a murderer terrorizing Berlin. Considered by Lang to be his finest film (a sentiment I echo; Metropolis being a masterpiece of design but a mess of everything else) it helped to launch the career of Peter Lorre, previously known as a comedic actor, who would go on to be typecast as a villain for years afterwards. Many have suggested that the film was inspired by the case of Peter Kürten, “The Vampire of Düsseldorf” the serial killer and rapist who preyed on the citizens of Düsseldorf from February to November of 1929, a claim that Lang steadfastly denied.

This is a movie that always comes up when I discuss the current resurgence of so-called “torture porn”, films created by hacks with no idea how to direct a film. The opening scene of M is a tour de force of subtlety, the image of a balloon, entangled in telephone lines infinitely more effective than anything seen in the tenth installment of Saw or anything even remotely related to Eli Roth. They really don’t make them like this anymore.

Mourning a Master of Photography

Irving Penn took the above photo of model Evelyn Tripp sixty years ago, in 1949. Penn’s photo below appeared in photographer Clayton Cubitt’s blog earlier this year with the caption “Irving Penn is 91 years old and he still kicks your ass.”

Many informative Irving Penn obituaries have popped up on the web over the past few hours – my favorite is this piece by the New York Times. There were many things I didn’t know about him! I was delighted to learn that, like me, he had the whole Jersey-Philly thing going on. His brother Arthur was the director of the film Bonnie and Clyde. Before falling into photography, he wanted to travel to Mexico with the hopes of forging a career as a painter. He joined the army, and worked as an ambulance driver.

Irving Penn lived an active, creative life, producing new work right up until his death. Let Penn’s legacy inspire us all, for this is the way that life should be lived. It doesn’t matter if you’re 70, 80 or 90: stay curious about the world, never give up your vision, and always continue to strive to do your best.

More inspiring images by Penn taken at various points in the past 60 years, after the jump.

See also: The Decline of Fashion Photography

1 Triceratops, 2 T-Rexes, 30 Boners, Infinite Nerdgasm

Check out this astounding stunt from the popular German game/entertainment program, Wetten, Das..? wherein three life-sized dinosaurs crash the party:

(Via Cathy Tree Harris, thanks!)

Okay, first things first, I think we can all agree that cuffed blue jeans are probably not the way to go when you’re wearing the most incredible baby T-Rex costume puppet ever friggin’ made in the history of EVAR. But still. Holy shit, right? Someone over at Geekologie sums up my own feelings about this clip quite well:

Let me tell you: when that [baby T-Rex] first came running out I thought it was CG. But it wasn’t. And neither were my 30 boners! My God, I’ve never wanted to be part of a live studio audience so bad in my life.


Seriously! Well, it turns out that if you live in the UK, US, Canada or any number of cities in Europe, you can have your Brachiosaurus and meet it, too. The dinos in that clip are only three of over 10 species featured in a spectacular live arena show spin-off of the cherished BBC series Walking With Dinosaurs. Creature designer Sonny Tilders and his crew used their extensive knowledge of puppetry arts and animatronics to bring these long-extinct giants back to life.

Coilhouse field trip, anyone?

(More photos and clips after the jump.)

The Photographs of Roksana Mical

Two photos from the series “Marcell” by Polish photographer Roksana Mical. I love this set, seemingly a chronicle of a plague doctor’s leisurely stroll through the woods or perhaps, more mysteriously, a record of some strange, elusive bird-like creature as it stalks through the desolate countryside. Mical’s photo’s all have a wonderful grain to them that helps to ground the images in reality which, in this case, only serves to accentuate the outlandishness of the subject.

via WurzelTumblr