I am the Eggman, Chocka DOOO BEEEEE

Storyteller du jour Si Spurrier just introduced me to the Mayor of Nightmare Town. Would you like to meet him?

Usually I have a lot of trouble finding common ground with the average YouTube commenter, but in this case, I concur wholeheartedly with dud8112084:

“If i ever see that thing ima blow its brains out with a 12 gauge.”

In the name of all that is good and wholesome, will someone please tell me who was working in ads and marketing over at Ferrero for the Kinder Surprise line in the 80s? Leprechauns? Crackheads? Seriously. I am confounded and terrified. Can anyone out there tell me where these demonic puppetmasters have gone? I must know.

Send any and all pertient information regarding the unholy Eggmaster to coilhouse@gmail.com.

kinder.jpg

Please help. Please. The kinder eggs grow restless. They rustle and mewl in the dark oh please god help me I may never sleep again.

12 Responses to “I am the Eggman, Chocka DOOO BEEEEE”

  1. Nadya Says:

    The search is over:

    THANK YOU, MER!

  2. tymcode Says:

    Thanks for sharing the nightmare. That is truly terrifying. I have to wonder if it served as inspiration for Alan Cummings’ character’s creations in the first Spy Kids movie

  3. Skerror Says:

    Dubblee chockadoobeeee! Yes, if anyone finds out anything about who did this can you post it here too? I’d also like to see anything else they may have done. That was ridiculous :)

  4. Jamie Says:

    Those toys are great. Lots of puzzles and small parts. I think they must have a lot more respect for the intelligence of their children over in Europe.

    Also. That eggmaster is horrible. Eugh.

  5. kris_ether Says:

    Yep Eggmaster is really weird… reminded me of that sick feeling that I had watching the goblins in Legend…… animatronics will always be scarier than CGI

  6. meeks Says:

    oh. fuck.

    are we to assume he met his horrible, splattery doom below that wall?

    if so, are we supposed to be charmed by his demise because he exclaimed, “wheee!” just before killing himself???

    perhaps they threw it in to give us some form of subconscious comfort, “it’s ok, he’s dead now, GO BUY KINDER SURPRISE!”

    i am now imagining spilled egg-man entrails and torn between joy and horror.

  7. Tequila Says:

    What a delightful horror to wake up too!

    That said Eggmaster survived the fall and later wandered the land yelling “Chocka-Dooobie” in the dead of night. In small villages and towns the words are considered a curse and every year a chocolate filled toy child is sacrificed to him…

    Do not make the mistake of mocking him however. For it has been said to do so will result in him waking you from your sleep by cracking open your skull and looking for toys.

  8. Paul Komoda Says:

    That’s total acid conciousness right there.
    Not the writhing, shrieky, explodey, octopoidal phase, but the miasmatic,”I see and know far too much”, body-horror phase where newscasters on television look like warbling meat bags, discharging lunatic poetry from their glistening, pink orifices.

    I can easily see the Egg Man as an enormous Ron Mueck-style sculpture.

  9. Skerror Says:

    “Not the writhing, shrieky, explodey, octopoidal phase, but the miasmatic,”I see and know far too much”, body-horror phase where newscasters on television look like warbling meat bags, discharging lunatic poetry from their glistening, pink orifices.”

    Haha, that’s great Paul :) I need to watch Videodrome again…

    The Eggmaster is too hilarious for me to get to his more horrific aspects. I’d trust him not to crack open my skull in search of toys. I guess I could see how he might be able to make my head explode with some ramped-up squibbilee squoobilee rhetoric though… Yeah, you guys are right, he’s not to be trusted.

  10. DJ Velveteen Says:

    This should help:

    I Love Egg

  11. Natasha Says:

    Do they still make them like they did in the original version? I actually know exactly where to get some, and now Im curious.. And terrified.

  12. sarah mae Says:

    well , i love the cute little egg-man !!!!!!!!!!!!! if you agree , go on to veryeggie.webs.com , the official fansite for this cute little creature !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)