The Sublime, Nihilistic Elegance of Assquatch Art

Occasionally, while exploring the wild untrammeled frontiers of the world wide interwub, you’ll stumble across something so revelatory, so mind-bogglingly exquisite, it knocks you back several feet, clutching your head and speaking in tongues. Today I had just such an experience. Like Nietzsche who gazed too long into the abyss or Icarus who flew too close to the sun, I shall never be the same, for I have seen the cruel, implacable face of G*d:

deerbuttalienhead-copy.jpg
Three examples of finely crafted deer butt alien head taxidermy, a.k.a. “assquatch art.”

Via Redneck Craft Tips by Don Burleson (the web page that cracked my poor brain open like a pistachio nut):

For centuries, families have enjoyed the camaraderie and joy of making alien heads from deer butts. Join the fun! Once you know the secrets, it’s easy to transform an ordinary deer butt into a work of redneck fine art. Let’s take a closer look at this ancient and noble craft…

All you need to create your own deer art is a styrofoam mannequin head, a fresh deer butt, a sharp knife and some glue and you are ready to get started making your own deer masterpiece.

assquatch-copy.jpg
This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Many people say that the real red neck art is the shaping of the deer anus to look like a mouth. This is the true test of the artists loving hand.

The anus can be made very simple, or you can stretch the anus for realistic effects such as smiles and frowns. In general, the leading deer butt artists concentrate on the details of the mouth.

Thank you, Mr Burleson, for exposing an ignorant city mouse like me to this rustic art form. Not since 1996 –when I fished a homemade hunting video called Mostly Squirrels out of the bargain bin at Poughkeepsie Video Barn– have I known such divine ecstasy.


DING DONG! Your mother can’t be with you anymore.

All images via Don Burleson’s superlative site. Cheers!

17 Responses to “The Sublime, Nihilistic Elegance of Assquatch Art”

  1. Bunny Says:

    As a sculptor I can say that this is by far the pinnacle of the fantastique in dimensional art. Not since Michelangelo’s fawn have I seen such craftsmanship as in the “Doe Bell.”
    Il Magnifico would be honored to have one at the gates of the Palazzo!

    **rushes off to work on my anus skills**

  2. Jerem Morrow Says:

    AAAAAAAAHHH! There’s a local pawn shop here that has one! und I kinda wanted to butt…I mean, buy…it, but ze sign said “not for sail” (sic).

  3. Skerror Says:

    Ahahaha. Wow! Thx Mer.

    I think this was in Nietszche’s definition of the Ubermensch as well. Let’s see…they would be artists, scientists, and deer-anus sculpting hybrid of both.

  4. Joelle Says:

    Dear god no…

  5. Mer Says:

    I’m afraid god can’t help you, Joelle. We are all doomed.

  6. Pat Says:

    The mention of alien heads makes me think those nice Greys are just practicing their anus-shaping technique. Abduction for Art’s Sake.

  7. Jessica Says:

    I love that in the article, Mr. Burleson thoughtfuly reminds you to tie off the anus before skinning…AND includes an illustration of the proper technique.

  8. Mark Says:

    What do you call a deer with no arse? etc

  9. Mark Says:

    ps, I also love the fact that he posted this on New Year’s Eve. I can only conclude that his festive diary is rather patchy since the vast majority of his friends are full of sawdust.

  10. trench warfare | furiousBlog - in my diatribe Says:

    [...] Assquatch Art [...]

  11. R Says:

    I wonder if any of the redneck artisans has “face” fucked their assquatch?

  12. Deer butt art! | It's Not Happening Says:

    [...] out this amazing little piece on redneck taxidermy art – it’ll make your brain pee blood. The doorbell picture at the bottom is the best thing [...]

  13. Mer Says:

    Heeee. Metafilter picked this up. Spread the cheeks gospel, children! Deer Butt Art Mania is gonna sweep the nation!

  14. Mer Says:

    By the way, R? I just laughed and threw up at the same time, thanks.

  15. BEWARE THE ASSQUATCH « D Street Says:

    [...] your own Assquatch on the Make Your Own Redneck Art page or just read how others were horrified at CoilHouse. -bc- No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI [...]

  16. Chad Says:

    I have seen some unique taxidermy animals, but these take the cake. I love the pic’s, extremely interesting, and a little disturbing.

    Loved it,
    Chad
    Taxidermy Mounts

  17. rickie Says:

    i am revisiting, because of i thought of that brilliant last caption: ” DING DONG! Your mother can’t be with you anymore.”

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