BTC: Sweaty, Burly, Stubbly, Groiny Manslice Edition

“I got hair on my chest. I look good without a shirt.” – Tom Waits

I had this ridiculously hot friend in high school who looked like a punk rock, flannel-clad version of Fabio. Big, built, rustic, hairy, unrepentant manbro. He’d come swaggering into 2nd period economics class reeking of Pabst and cigarettes, start an argument with the teacher over the ethics of business regulation or the Coase theorem (did I mention he was brilliant to boot?) and all the weird girls would just swoon.

“Goin’ Out West” – Tom Waits

This guy regularly favored me with bonecrushing hugs that blotted out the sun. As I recall, even freshly showered, he had a musky, vaguely goat-like odor. Being slammed face-first into his armpit should’ve been off-putting, but somehow wasn’t. In fact, I think I must have imprinted on the gent and his scent, because all these years later, there’s still a very special place in my crotch heart for brawny, unshaven, man-stinky lumberjack types with big hands and lantern jaws.

“Lumberjack” – Jackyl

This testosterone-injected morningwood edition of BTC goes out to all of the big, built, rustic, hairy, unrepentant manbros of the world… and the loincloth-sniffing perverts who love them.

Click below for more Beorn porn (and please do add your own in comments)!

“Wooden Pints” – Korpiklaani

“Sex Over the Phone” – The Village People

“Ace of Spades” – Motorhead

Run to the Hills Iron Maiden

“Zardoz” – Broseph

“Gimme All Your Lovin” – ZZ Top

“Do You Think I’m Sexy” – Revolting Cocks

“Living Dead Girl” – Rob Zombie (Not a huge fan, honestly, but I could kiss him just for riffing on Caligari so brilliantly.)

“We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions” – Queen

“A Screw (Holy Money)” – SWANS

“Pepper” – Butthole Surfers

“Bear Force 1” – Bear Force 1

“Mother” – Danzig (sort of)

27 Responses to “BTC: Sweaty, Burly, Stubbly, Groiny Manslice Edition”

  1. quartie Says:

    Oh… oh… oh my.

    What all men should be.

    Big hands, enveloping arms, the hair, the voice, and the experiences to back them all up.

    I may need a second to recover. And a shot of the gruff stuff.

  2. Scott Says:

    Wow, Mer, what a tear you’re on today! And you found some Swans, to boot! But no list of uber-macho music would be complete without Rammstein — ‘Strip’ and ‘Mann Gegen Mann’ would be a good place to start!

  3. hng23 Says:

    What about the strut-alicious Jim Dandy of Black Oak Arkansas? Check him out here:

  4. Jon Munger Says:

    His name wouldn’t happen to be Samson, would it? Because you just described an old roommate, like, freakishly well.
    Either that, or the manbro’s are spreading.

  5. Jessica Says:

    tom + evil dead + motorhead + ministry + zombie + swans= oh me oh my…oh HAPPY day!
    thanks luv.
    p.s. damn it mer, I saved a zardoz picture for you YESTERDAY! tee hee

  6. secretia Says:

    ahhh wonderful mer…

    yet again you’ve summed up my thoughts on this subject precisely…even to my fugly, fantasy crush on hellboy…or ron perlman…or both!

    i’m proud to sport my brawny, hairy man on my arm…

    and a story for the grandchildren: i picked him up seven years ago at a club (in a hideously embibed state, i hasten to add) with the appalling line, “will you be my pete steele fantasy?”…classy, no?


  7. Kale Kip Says:

    I always thought it was the Revolting Cocks who did “do you think I’m sexe”. Ah well, all that gothrock sounds the same after a while anyway.

    *decides to watch bear force 1 yet another time*

  8. Jerem Morrow Says:

    *is tempted to repost my Xmas card*

  9. Jessica Says:

    @ Scott- RAMMSTEIN!!! Yes!!!

  10. Ashbet Says:

    @ Secretia — BEST LINE EVER. You win!

    I’m rather fond of this type of man myself, so this video collection and accompanying into has me rolling around on the floor in glee!

  11. RubyWoo Says:

    May I just add:

  12. Mer Says:

    Scott! Yes. Oh, how could I neglect Rammstein. Shame on me.

    Hng23, holy shit! Jim Dandy! Bless you.

    Kale “Linger Ficken Good” Kip, double dumbass on me! You’re absolutely right. RevCo covered that tune, not MInistry. Woops. Keep in mind, I usually write these posts around 4 in the morning. (Easy flub to make, too, seeing as something like 3 members of the Cocks ended up in Ministry.)

    Secretia, congratulations. Keep dreaming big (and hairy).

    Jessica, my dear, you complete me. You really do.

    Ashbet: glad you like. I just hope I haven’t alienated all of the wispy, waxed metrosexuals in our readership. I love them, too.

  13. R. Says:

    Thank goodness, I’m not alone. Even though I love my metrosexuals, I can’t help but love a man who is hairy and big.

  14. athingcalledcat Says:

    revco ftw.
    ministry ftw as well. love this live version of fear (is big business).
    ahh it’s so nice to see my kind of music on coilhouse.
    it’s lonely being a truly metal geek chickie sometimes. :)

  15. Mer Says:

    You’ll never be alone, here, luv!

  16. Luai_lashire Says:

    Ahhh, so wonderful! Even though I’m most strongly attracted to complete androgynes (odd, ne?), I ended up with a short, powerful, brilliant hairy man. He is well versed in all things obscure and he’s a black belt and a fencer- AND he introduced me to Tom Waits, Gogol Bordello, and a whole bunch of other things, way back in the day when I was music-illiterate. I do so love my hairy man. :)

  17. Zee Says:

    I’ve lurked too long! It only takes the pomp and majesty of Sean Connery’s chest pelt, I mean…ZARDOZ to break my shyness.

    It’s a holiday tradition for me, invite everyone over for tea and cake and when they’re all sugared up, it’s time for some floating stone heads!

    I mean, no wonder all those immortal women were hot the burly brutal, the rest of the men looked like Peter Frampton!

  18. L. Says:

    I’ll admit I developed a bit of a crush on the Devil when I saw this video this morning, thought it might count as macho:
    Loving all the profuse man-glory on this page! I’ll admit I’ve been distracted by the girly-boys as of late. Videos enriched my whole day. :D

  19. Infamous Amos Says:

    This post hits home to me on a very personal level. Thank you, Mer, for shining a light on the men who inspired me all throughout puberty.

    Here’s to the beardos, the wolf men, the kids who had proper moustaches in grade 10, and whom the rest of the schoolboys tried to emulate, but failed miserably at every attempt. To the guy on the football team who liked the Pixies and Mystery Science Theatre 3000. To the Father Christmas looking chap who orders your out of print graphic novels, limited edition LPs, and foreign film bootlegs. I salute you all, my wooly brethren.

    Do not be ashamed to embrace counterculture, for in your physical state, a normal culture will offer you nothing but guilt, chest wax and faux-hawks. You may be the only male at the art gallery who does not look like a hairless cat, but this is not a personality flaw. You are what you are, and no group in history that required everyone to have the same haircut ever ended without a massacre, bloody crusade or a mass suicide.

    Among the freaks, the grizzly men are always welcome.

  20. Vespers Says:

    Zardoz is probably one of the best things ever made.

    Same goes for Bear Force 1. I love that clip.

  21. Jon Munger Says:

    You know, with all the hairy man-love, how can you forget the veritable Platonic ManBro:

    He is animated, for any attempt to realize him in 3d results in terminal testosterone poisoning and the sudden ovulation of women and your more attractive livestock in a forty kilometer radius.

  22. Golda Says:

    Oh fuck yes. This is, exactly, the kind of man I would want to be, if I was a man.

  23. athingcalledcat Says:

    oh god… i came so close to being able to see GWAR perform here in dallas…. i was so fckin pissed, i got sick the day before the show & there was NO WAY i could even half-ass it to the venue. i think i died a little inside that day. thanks for the vid, mer! happy new years ch peoples! <3 (& i think that part that died was a little bit resurrected when i managed to see the ‘lights in the sky’ nin tour stop here in big d. fckin great show, the visuals were amazingly done.)

    eta: as long as we’re on animated men…
    do anything for dethklok

  24. Chris L Says:

    Okay, that “Danzig” track is AMAZING. I can’t stop laughing.

  25. Mer Says:

    Aw, crap! How could I have forgotten TECHNOVIKING?!

    Tsk tsk…

  26. kyle Says:

    Ahhh. Motorhead. I think Lemmy will help me with my physics today. wait. the ‘ace of spades’ video is gone. DAMN!

  27. Douglas Guernsey Says:

    Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post. Awesome.