“I got hair on my chest. I look good without a shirt.” – Tom Waits
I had this ridiculously hot friend in high school who looked like a punk rock, flannel-clad version of Fabio. Big, built, rustic, hairy, unrepentant manbro. He’d come swaggering into 2nd period economics class reeking of Pabst and cigarettes, start an argument with the teacher over the ethics of business regulation or the Coase theorem (did I mention he was brilliant to boot?) and all the weird girls would just swoon.
“Goin’ Out West” – Tom Waits
This guy regularly favored me with bonecrushing hugs that blotted out the sun. As I recall, even freshly showered, he had a musky, vaguely goat-like odor. Being slammed face-first into his armpit should’ve been off-putting, but somehow wasn’t. In fact, I think I must have imprinted on the gent and his scent, because all these years later, there’s still a very special place in my crotch heart for brawny, unshaven, man-stinky lumberjack types with big hands and lantern jaws.
“Lumberjack” – Jackyl
This testosterone-injected morningwood edition of BTC goes out to all of the big, built, rustic, hairy, unrepentant manbros of the world… and the loincloth-sniffing perverts who love them.
Click below for more Beorn porn (and please do add your own in comments)!
“Wooden Pints” – Korpiklaani
“Sex Over the Phone” – The Village People
“Ace of Spades” – Motorhead
Run to the Hills Iron Maiden
“Zardoz” – Broseph
“Gimme All Your Lovin” – ZZ Top
“Do You Think I’m Sexy” – Revolting Cocks
“Living Dead Girl” – Rob Zombie (Not a huge fan, honestly, but I could kiss him just for riffing on Caligari so brilliantly.)
“We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions” – Queen
“A Screw (Holy Money)” – SWANS
“Pepper” – Butthole Surfers
“Bear Force 1” – Bear Force 1
“Mother” – Danzig (sort of)