Outlander: Vikings Fighting Aliens, Beeyotch.

Repeating for emphasis, people: VIKINGS. FIGHTING. ALIENS.

Holy fucking spaceturds:

As an age old battle rages amongst the stars, Kainan’s ship burns brightly as it crashes into the Nordic coast. As his space craft comes to rest in the fjords of ancient Norway, it’s with dismay that Kainan realizes that he wasn’t the only survivor. A second passenger, a Moorwen also emerges from the wreckage. A Fierce and animal-like creature, the Moorwen is intent on causing harm to those it perceives have wronged it. As the Moorwen kills everything in its path, Kainan must work together with the Vikings to destroy the beast before it destroys them all.

Okay, so there’s only one alien. And they probably should have found someone other than a 7th grade remedial English student to write their plot synopsis…

WHO CARES? PRIMITIVES + SCI-FI = TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER.

Right. Well, maybe it’s a wee bit suspect in a Chris Dane Owensy kind of way, but…

HELLO? BURLY, SWEATY, GRUNTING MEN WITH SWORDS FIGHTING A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE?

Kvlt as fuck, baby.

Verily, ’tis time I donned my sacred pewter dragon pendant from Medieval Times, whipped up a batch of special “tarragon” brownies and sojourned forth to one of the “limited release screenings” with only my bravest and most bake-ed friends.

Did I mention Ron Perlman’s in it?


(I still can’t believe we overlooked him in our Preternaturally Beautiful Men post.)

VIKINGS. ALIEN INVASION. RON PERLMAN.

HUZZAH.

23 Responses to “Outlander: Vikings Fighting Aliens, Beeyotch.”

  1. Tequila Says:

    OH HELL YEAH!…it’s a bit like the 13th Warrior only with a much more historically believable plot.

    So who of the LA readership is up for a midnight screening of this masterwork? It has to be playing somewhere…

    Hey that’s right huh? Ole Ron didn’t make the cut in the Preternaturally Beautiful Men post did he? …for shame ladies…for SHAME. tsk. tsk.

  2. k paul blume Says:

    Oh, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you
    And John Hurt is in it, too?
    (Back in the day, he surely would have made the cut as one of your ‘preternaturally beautiful men’.)
    I’m looking forward to this opening and closing within the space of a single week-end down here in Dullsville*!

    *a.k.a., Charlotte, NC

  3. OGD Says:

    ‘Scuse me while I find my jaw…

    This needs to be released in the UK and I mean now.

  4. Scott Says:

    Ron Perlman will be in anything. ANYTHING.

    I spent a few terrible minutes this weekend fast-forwarding through the ‘Dungeon Siege’ movie (based on the video game). It included Ron Perlman, Jon Rys Davies (Gimli from LOTR), some guy who looks like Legolas, aerial-silk climbing wood elves, Ray Liotta as the bad guy, and …. BURT REYNOLDS as the graybeard old king. Outstanding!

  5. Swiss Says:

    Theres a creaky old Aliens comic with vikings in, like the sigourney weaver alien. this reminds me of that…a lot.

    plus Ron Perlman, whats not to like?

  6. Karen Says:

    YES YES YES

    I don’t know how you manage to find everything that is good in life, Mer, but bless you for sharing the joy.

  7. Jon Munger Says:

    I tell you, if I ever get down in your neck of the woods there’s gonna be the BEST MOVIE PARTY EVAR.
    I mean EVAR.

  8. Jerem Morrow Says:

    It’s Highlander + Alien! Or Critters! Aha!

  9. lizzelizzel Says:

    I shall netflix this when the time comes.

  10. sakara Says:

    ooooh its released in the UK on 20th feb.Im so there, with a flagon of mead!!!

  11. Skerror Says:

    “Chris Dane Owens” VS “Predator”

    This is epic. They even got Jesus to play the outlander:
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001029/

  12. Mer Says:

    I know, right?! Only this time his native tongue is Old Norse instead of Aramaic. EPIC WIN!!!

  13. Dave L. Says:

    That character list is so bizarre. There’s a ‘Rothgar’ and an ‘Unferth,’ almost implying a Beowulf connection, but then there’s a ‘Boromir’ and a ‘Shishkebob,’ implying that the writers were HIGH.

    I’m totally there for a midnight show in the L.A. area (assuming one happens. This being from the Weinstein Company, they’ll probably kill it after only a week in release in the already listed cities, and L.A.’ll never get it :( ).

  14. Thews Says:

    Mer must have “Cooldar” or something, how does she find all this cool stuff.

  15. Tequila Says:

    @ Dave L.

    Yeah I noticed that too after a bit more reading that the odds of an LA screening are unlikely. Still my hope is once it hits DVD in like say…2 weeks…a private screening can be arranged.

    Oh the drunken hilarity…it could be the first film in the Coilhouse Screening Series…*hint hint nudge nudge* right Mer?! :D

  16. Brock McCoy Says:

    Count me in for a few bottles of “Coilhouse” brand red wine, unless it’s an ale only party. Just let the d20 make all the decisions. Now off I go to drink (wait for it…) 3 beers. Dammit. There’s always tomorrow.

  17. echorock Says:

    Thanks for linking in to my site. I like your readers. They seem like a fine, yeasty bunch. (In the very best way.) I desperately hope they all get a chance to see our film. However, as y’all pointed out, it’s with the Weinsteins and they seem hell-bent on killing every movie they come in contact with. Oh and the whole Beowulf thing was intentional – we wrote this 12 years ago as the sci-fi origin of Beowulf. Took us so long to get it off the ground we got overtaken by the latecomers. We threw in the Boromir in the spirit of circular reference, in that Tolkien got much of his LOTR material from Beowulf and was in fact a Beowulf scholar. And no, there is no Shishkebob character. (We weren’t THAT high.) Anyway, see it if you can – there’ll be info on the site (http://outlanderthemovie.wordpress.com/) as to where it’s showing. Thanks!

  18. joshua Says:

    wait. has anyone noticed that the producer produced “lord of the ring” – not “lord of the rings”? huh? wha?

  19. Christian Says:

    Sorry, to rain on everyone’s parade, but Outlander ist the dumbest piece of steaming horseshit dropped out of the netherregions of Hollywood for quite some time. I suffered through its premiere at the film festival in Lausanne only because it cost me my left nut to get in…

    While I agree that the premise rocks, the execution is so stupid that I am at a lack of words. The plot is as predictable as cliched and btw Ron Perlman is in it for all of 5 minutes (even though he looks kind of cool in his outfit/ addendum for the Ronfan – check out “I sell the dead”, even though I havn’t seen it yet, it looks promising)

  20. Kiewies Says:

    haha now I really want to see that one ;) Dragons, vikings and all round hot guys JUMM!

  21. Shay Says:

    Somehow ‘epic’ just doesn’t seem to cover it.

  22. echorock Says:

    I’m sorry Christian didn’t like it, and I, with the rest of the world, mourn his lost left nut. I hope it doesn’t hinder his ability to populate the world with more of him. However, I wonder what in fact he did see, because Outlander was never at a festival in Lausanne. Perhaps it was Clerks 2.

  23. Christian Says:

    Sorry, my bad. It was Locarno not Lausanne. Please attribute to bloodloss and nutcuttingtrauma…

Leave a Reply | Register for this Site | Login