FakeAPStylebook Reshapes World of Journalism

Right around Issue 03, our lovely copy chief Joanne Starer sent all the editors of Coilhouse a condensed document of guidelines based on the Chicago Style Manual. It tells us to spell out whole numbers one through one hundred (unless they are percents), italicize titles of books, newspapers & magazines, omit spaces around our em/en dashes, and many other such useful things. That was all fine and good, until today: the day that FakeAPStylebook on Twitter shook the world of journalism to its very foundations. The feed has amassed over 8,000 new followers in just two days, and it’s no wonder why: all issues of grammar, capitalization & punctuation have finally been revealed. This incredible new resource finally provides clarity to crucial concepts that the heretofore-accepted AP Style Guide completely overlooked. For example:

  • Use the quintuple vowel to transcribe the utterances of small children, “Daaaaaddy, I waaaant a Pooooony!”
  • Since the 1986 edition, the plural of McDonald’s is officially McDonaldses.
  • “Batman” may be used informally (“let’s go, Batman!”) and “The Batman” formally (“Mr. President, this is the Batman”).
  • The word “boner” is not capitalized, regardless of size.
  • Use a possessive proper noun in front of a movie remake title to convey crushing disappointment. (e.g. Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes)
  • In the news industry, an ’80s celebrity sex scandal is known as a “trifecta.”
  • Do not change weight of gorilla in phrase, “800-lb gorilla in the room.” Correct weight is 800 lbs. DO NOT CHANGE GORILLA’S WEIGHT!
  • “Your” and “you’re” may be used interchangeably if you are an idiot.
  • Avoid using the letter ‘G’ as it is unlucky.
  • The numbers one through ten should be spelled out while numbers greater than ten are products of the Illuminati and should be avoided.

Via Xeni.

9 Responses to “FakeAPStylebook Reshapes World of Journalism”

  1. Tequila Says:

    “You may not say “no one could have suspected…” until you have interviewed everyone on planet Earth.”

    “There is no non-US publication. Only publications that are insufficiently Americanized.”

    “When writing about a stabbing victim’s “fountain of blood,” be specific. What kind- Drinking? Soda? Decorative?”

    I am learning SO much from this! :D

  2. David Forbes Says:

    After first encountering FakeAPStylebook, I glanced over at my trusty, well-thumbed AP Style Guide, sitting innocently on the shelf. I laughed, then cried. Then I began sobbing uncontrollably. Then I had an explosive orgasm.

    That is all.

  3. BigJonno Says:

    Are you sure that you don’t mean “fapping” instead of “sobbing”?

  4. radian Says:

    and here I always though Chicago Style meant without pants on: http://yellow5.com/pokey/archive/index382.html

  5. Vivacious G Says:

    I found this very interesting because English was my best subject in high school (as well as science, but I’m trying to focus here). However, as I’ve gotten older, I realize very few others share this sort of nerdery so as long as communication is established I’m good to go.

    Also – somebody’s got it in for me.

  6. Sam Says:

    I glanced at the bullet points before reading the intro or noting the word “fake.” It took me until the fourth bullet to decide that this might not be a real resource. I am not ashamed and will henceforth only use “the Batman” in formal writing.

  7. Natasha Says:


  8. Io Says:

    As a former editor and journalist, I am profoundly amused by this.

  9. Io Says:

    @ David, I realize how much I love you when you say things like that. Nevermind the fact I hardly know you.