Danzig Slated for New Season of Schlock of Love??
EDITOR’S NOTE, Tuesday, Feb 17th, 8:00 PM: Woops. Turns out this may all actually be a big load of hooey. A hoax. A flummox. A gaff. A fabrication. Serves me right for not examining my sources more carefully. Bad pseudojournalist! Bad! Mea culpa. Will investigate further in the A.M. WHAAAOOOO WHAAOOOOO…
Darque pussy.
Hey, folks! Ever shit yourself and projectile vomit simultaneously? No? Well, get thee to the nearest Port-O-Let before reading any further. Today might be your lucky day!
VH1 announced today that producers are now filming a new season of Rock of Love featuring metal/punk/horror-core legend, Glenn Danzig.
The new show, which will premiere this July, is called Rock of Love: Bride of Satan with Glenn Danzig. Danzig is well-known in metal and punk circles as one of the founding members of 1980s horror-core punk rockers Samhain. He went on to the form hard-rock band Danzig, which scored several top 40 hits in the late ’80s including “Mother” and “She Rides.” Both a singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, Danzig is also well-known for his interest in the occult and all things evil. [Anyone else notice the mysterious omission of the Misfits from this press material?]
“All documented, all true.”
VH1 producers stated that introducing the element of Satanism would inject new life into the Rock of Love franchise as well as reach a different audience niche – jokingly referred to by insiders as “the black market.” [Hurr hurr!]
The new series will follow the traditional Flavor of Love/Rock of Love format with a group of 20 women vying for the affection of the celebrity musician. However, at the insistence of Mr. Danzig, the winner will enter into a legally-binding marriage with Satan in a ceremony that is sure to test the limits of basic cable censorship standards.
Although network executives are keeping a tight lid on the show’s planned shennanigans, a few details have been leaked about planned challenges. These include: goat entrail soup and chili cook-off, blindfolded nun deflowering contest, sexy seance strip-a-thon, virgin or family member, and the sacrifice challenge “Name That Heretic!”
Gag me with a devil lock. Tonight, my inner 15-year-old weeps bitterly into her Fiend Club gloves. Then again, I suppose it’s not that shocking, really. Who knows… Glenn might prove to be the funniest straight man in the history of comedy. Best of luck, dude.
(Thanks for the death knell, Fraction!)
February 17th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
February 17th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Oh Glenn
Don’t come to the house tonight
Oh Glenn
Oh Glenn
Don’t come to the house tonight
Oh Glenn
Because there’s somebody here
Who really really loves you
Oh Glenn
Stay home
Be bored
(It’s crap, I KNOW)
Tonight
Oh Glenn
Oh Glenn
Don’t come to the house tonight
Oh Glenn
Oh Glenn
Don’t come to the house tonight
Because there’s somebody here
Who’ll take a hatchet to your ear
The frustration it renders me
Hateful, oh …
Oh, don’t come to the house tonight
Oh, don’t come to the house tonight
Because you’ll slip on the
Trail of all my sad remains
That’s why, that’s why
GOODBYE MY LOVE, GOODBYE MY LOVE
GOODBYE MY LOVE, GOODBYE MY LOVE
GOODBYE MY LOVE, GOODBYE MY LOVE
February 17th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Oh I’m Sooooooooooooooo gonna watch that. This is scripted comedy gold…I can’t WAIT to see the girls that sign up for this.
My vision of him broke when I found out how much of a comic book geek he is…he can still be entertaining though!
“…at the insistence of Mr. Danzig, the winner will enter into a legally-binding marriage with Satan in a ceremony that is sure to test the limits of basic cable censorship standards…”
Oddly enough he played at my friends Satanic wedding…did a rendition of American Nightmare at that.
February 17th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
They’d better be shooting this in the house he bought next door to the Aqua Teens, or I’m gonna be pissed.
February 18th, 2009 at 2:08 am
I hope it’s not a hoax…if VH1 is determined to make TV as unwatchable as possible they should at least go full on insane and not pull punches.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Dang! That would have made me start watching it again! That would have been amazing!
February 19th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Drat…VH1 almost had a chance at me watching teevee regularly, again.
February 26th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Yes I noticed the mysterious omission of the misfits, obviously whoever wrote the press material has no actual, real knowledge of Danzig.
My favorite part:
“Danzig is well-known in metal and punk circles as one of the founding members of 1980s horror-core punk rockers Samhain.”
How about: Danzig is well-known in metal and punk circles as one of the founding members of the MISFITS.
March 8th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
@Andrew
Or it could be that Danzig is a bitter little prick that’s too much of a drama queen to acknowledge the Misfits in any way past cashing checks for his cut of merchandising.
March 8th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Or, guys, it could be that this is all a big hoaxy fabrication. :) Sorry, my bad for not fact-checking more carefully.
October 26th, 2009 at 10:44 am
“Danzig’s Vlog Of Death”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92c69GxuyXw