Rockin’ The Music Vest
Look, ye, upon the 80s wonder that was the Music Vest. Take in its gorgeous exterior, available in metallic silver or jet black. Let your eyes trace the fine, angular, Flash Gordan-esque lines. The next step in personal audio entertainment; marvel at its water proof speaker technology which facilitates musical enjoyment in any situation whether it be jogging, fishing, or simply break-dancing in your parents’s driveway in Secaucus.
Obviously the result of many hundreds of dollars of research and development and worn by one entire family, the Music Vest represents the ultimate in auditory rape. There was a time that the only way to forcibly expose the unwilling public to your own, personal soundtrack was to carry a heavy boombox. This led to shoulder strain; also, it made you look like a tool. Not so with the Music Vest. The Music Vest is light, slimming, and stylish and leaves both your hands free to receive high fives. Imagine looks you’ll get when you emerge from your DeLorean, swathed in space-age material, blasting the latest Duran Duran album. So do yourself a favor, pick up that phone and order yours today.*
* Requires use of time machine. Perhaps the aforementioned DeLorean. Time machine not included.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I am afraid to replay the clip without the mute being on. The first time round I played it, it was horrific enough, but good for some laughs. Was that your intention?
May 14th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
From the makers of “Movie Pants”.
May 15th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Can’t anyone see it?
You’re fifteen. Your neon green T&C shirt is blinding old ladies and your black stone wash jeans make your purple and gold Nikes look RAD. The 80’s are Awesome (minus the whole Cold War thing) and you just got your hair to defy gravity by using a biohazard amount of hair gel. You’re walking the food court at the mall when…
you see…
Her.
The girl you’ve loved since you saw her earlier that afternoon near the Orange Julius stand. She looks like Molly Ringwald’s younger sister only with Madonna’s sense of fashion. You think “How should I say hello?”
Then you remember. You don’t have to. You have a Music Vest! You walk over…stand in front of her…and press play and let Dead or Alive’s You Spin Me Round talk for you.
Holding hands you both head off to make matching tie dye shirts at that shop near the place that sells the giant inflatable Gumby’s and neon lights that spell out Just Say No.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Countdown to someone DIY’ing a Thrift/Vintage Clothing Store find into an iPod compatible version starts now.
May 17th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Sadly, the maker of the Music Vest was killed during a horribly bloody slap bracelet accident, thus ensuring the remaining Music Vests in existence are now priceless heirlooms.
The Stradivarii of Milli Vanilli, if you please.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:09 am
There was a time when I would have totally worn that.