Yesterday, we published a sneak peek from our exclusive interview with Ross Rosenberg, one of the most mysterious bloggers on the web. The wait is finally over, and we’re publishing the full interview below. Sadly, the interview had to be cut short because the smell coming from beneath the floorboards at Ross’ apartment got to be too much for us to handle. At least now we know why he wears that creepy respirator all the time. Without further ado!

Who’s a pretty, pretty princess? Ross, are you a pretty, pretty princess?
What I do on the first Friday of the month is my business alone, thank you very much.

Boxers or briefs?
Boxer briefs. My delicate yet horrifically disproportioned scrotum requires the support of briefs without the horrid, mankini effect that they bring to the occasion.

Chocolate or peanut butter?
I’m glad you asked this question. There was a time, before 1928, when the Flavours were kept separate, as it had been for centuries, and rightly so. It was only with the invention of Harry Burnett Reese’s devilish Cup that segregation was overturned, leading to the current climate of Hedonism, Lawlessness, Toucherism, and Moral Decay. Indeed, it is with such fervent vigor; such unscrupulous ferocity that the Leftist Elite push the Liberal Chocolate/Peanut Butter Agenda that we have entire generations of young people, their minds innocent and unfettered by the horrors of this world, these young people have had their virgin minds viciously raped by the idea that the mixing of Flavours is okay and, indeed, natural; and when I say that I mean it. The Leftists are raping our young people with giant, Chocolate and Peanut Butter cocks and we are allowing it. It’s being taught in our schools and sold in plain sight in every supermarket and bodega and we are allowing it into our homes. We are inviting these filthy Leftists to rape our children with their candy cocks; spreading the delicate, pillowy folds of their frontal lobes with our own ignorance, and it has to end!

Also, chocolate.

Sushi or tacos?
This question is rendered moot by the fact that sushi is merely a Japanese taco. Look it up.

What’s that smell?
What smell? What do you mean by that? Are you saying I killed a prostitute? Is that what you’re accusing me of; killing a prostitute? Because I have never, ever killed a prostitute and I am quite  offended that you would insinuate that I kill prostitutes and hide their bodies underneath my floor.

What would be/is the name of your furry alter-ego?
Wagglepants Mc- You know what? No. No, I don’t think so.

Word association: wankel, bulbous, tentacular, Ishamel, pantalones. GO!
wankel    Sexy Time
bulbous    Sexy Time
tentacular    Sexy Time
Ishmael    Sexy Time
pantalones    Communism

You’re organizing a cosmic mad tea party. Ten place-settings. Who’s invited?
Oscar Wilde
Hunter S. Thompson
Helen of Troy
Kurt Vonnegut
Hubert J. Farnsworth
Louise Brooks
Salvador Dali
Leeloo
Sarah Vowell
Jean Luc Picard

Thank you, Ross!

Posted by Coilhouse on May 5th, 2009
Filed under Serious Business