(From the priceless Sun-Sentinel “Scared of Santa” photo gallery.)
It’s that time again. Can’t go anywhere without getting a shot of rancid Santa splooge in the eye. Can’t escape the mewling, reindeer shit-besmirched legions of consumer whores clamoring to buy perfunctory fad gifts for their relatives and co-workers. Can’t order a freakin’ espresso without someone trying to pour their special brand of putrescent nutmeg-flavored pus down one’s throat. Black Friday has ushered in what is arguably the darkest, bleakest period of the calendar year. Even if it’s a myth that suicide rates are highest during the holidays, some of the frailer agnostics among us will surely be reduced to gibbering husks by December 25th.
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/cPchA7-NNvE" width="400" height="330" wmode="transparent" /]
But take heart, all ye heathens, Scrooges and secular humanists. There are so many delightful reasons to rejoice in the season besides the miraculous birth of Baby Jesus or being given a luxury SUV wrapped in a giant @#$!*& bow. Explore the wonderment beyond the cut.
- musical Tesla coils perform “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”
- informative How Stuff Works article on the origins of Christmas
- Flying Spaghetti Monster holiday lights
- MAD TV’s hysterical “Tickle Me Emo” skit
- caroling with beloved international superstar, Wing
- A Very Scary Solstice (courtesy of Cthulhu Lives)
- Andy Kaufman talks to “Santa” on the Dating Game
- Happy Chanukkah from the NBA and Paris Hilton
- a recipe for making fruitcake that actually doesn’t suck
- how to brew your own Winter Solstice mead
Coilhouse enthusiastically encourages readers (with a healthy sense of humor, naturally) to add their own links in the comment section. Please, no icicle pr0n.
Hey, if anyone can find footage of that Diff’rent Strokes episode where Arnold decides to convert to Judaism so he can get more presents by celebrating Hannukah, please let me know. I’m beginning to wonder if I hallucinated it.