Are you sick of being victimized by the overly confident and spoiled women of America?
Are you intrigued by the exotic yet vulnerable women of Eastern Europe?
Do you want to feel like a Big Powerful Savior Daddy-Man?
If you answered “yes” to one of more of the above you are part of a growing demographic. A demographic that’s ever-expanding, cheerfully bubbling to the surface of the internet like a pot of boiling baby feces. Yes, legions of xenophiles are uniting in one common goal - to meet and wed a Russian Woman - the perfect blend of dignity and modesty wrapped up nicely in a blanket of historical misfortune. And they’re doing it on Russian Women: The Real Truth.
Here you are led by the brave American-born blog admin through the finer points of kindling Russian romance on the Web. He unveils the complex secrets of the Russian woman’s psyche, the way brute Russian men treat the ladies as a commodity and insightful tips on avoiding the scams of “mail order bride services”. How does he know so much about Russia, you might be wondering to yourselves. Well, that’s because he lives there now! Yes, living in Russia has granted him unique access to Russian intricacies the rest of you non-Russians aren’t privy to. Just look at the way he describes his inspiration behind the blog:
“Russian women are like heroic characters because they are always dealing with dirty situations and environments but somehow they still manage to stay beautiful and out of trouble. I am like most Americans in that I love a good underdog story where the hero faces incredible odds but still comes out as the champion. This is a labor of love because it is an opportunity to bring the true story of these women into the light.This is especially important since their own modesty would never allow them to do it themselves…Russian women are looking for manly leaders who have a clear direction and purpose in life and from a historical and survival perspective this makes a great deal of sense”.
Hot on the heels of its coverage of Anonymous and its commentary on Suicide Girls, Fox News goes where only mainstream news outlets the Boston Globe and Newsweek have gone before - coverage what they call the “SteamPunk Underground.” This morning, Fox made associations between steampunk and Columbine, describing the burgeoning movement as a “trenchcoat mafia for adults.” Concerns were raised by a team of “analysts” about the disturbing elements of steampunk fashion (rayguns, gas masks) and Steampunk Magazine’s unpatriotic attack on the TSA. Watch the clip below:
Left: the original Lil Soap by Jess Fink. Right: the Hot Topic rip-off.
Jess Fink, an illustrator and creator of dirty comics published by Fantagraphics, created the shirt design on the left, dubbed Lil Soap, and sold it through her Threadless.com shop. Hot Topic distributed the shirt on the right soon after. Jess wrote to the company that made the eerily-similar shirt for Hot Topic, and the presidents of the company (which is named New Breed Girl) responded with the following:
“It is my poiicy (sic) to encourage freelancers to use the free Getty photo images as reference points & we also use sketches from the Japanese free clip art books, which have inanimate objects with cute faces & legs etc. which are also very similar to the soap.”
Hmmm. Jess plans to take up the matter in court. In the meantime, friends have banded together to show their support by making parody images which include some hot soap-on-soap slash. It was way too early in the morning for me to behold this Harry Potter image (NWS?).
Friends of Jess have shown their solidarity by making images such as this.
WEST YORKSHIRE, England - Tasha wears a collar with a leash that her fiance Dani holds when they are out walking together. For this reason, a bus driver has denied them service, saying “no dogs allowed” - and allegedly pushed them off the bus.
It’s ironic that same land that gave us Siouxsie and Fat Bob is now one of the most dangerous, discriminatory European places for goths to inhabit. Last year, 20-year-old goth girl Sophie Lancaster was beaten to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, wearing the wrong clothes. A goth guy collecting charity while dressed as Nosferatu was violently beaten by a group of up to seven, his prosthetic ears ripped off. These attacks, perpetuated by yobs and/or chavs, are one thing, but this kind of treatment by a public servant is something else entirely.
The story was covered by The Daily Mail, England’s more conservative, right-wing newspaper. Some of the reader comments are rather hilarious. Here are my top 3 favorites, for various reasons:
He looks like a work-shy scrounger to me, get a job and pay your way.
- Harry Basset, Whitby
Never mind walking the dog - with a figure like Tasha’s she’ll soon be on the catwalk.
- Sarah, Belgium
If he was a gentleman goth, he would loan her his coat.
- John, United Kingdom
Though I’m 100% with them, the couple gets points taken off for giving stupid quotes to the media. Don’t say “I am a pet” to a reporter for a mainstream news outlet. Just don’t. (Thanks, Catwalk Ghost!)
Hey guys, it’s the future! Motorola uses the image above to announce their new RAZR2 phone, partying like it’s cybergoth circa 1999 and brandishing a phone that looks it doubles as a light saber dildo. There’s a kind of sadness to this campaign, an aching desperation to make you feel the cutting edge of what’s basically just another souped-up fliphone, aged forever by the likes of OpenMoko and the iPhone.
Apparently, in Motorola’s perfect future, ladies will have disproportionate mutant man-hands. Or maybe it’s just an old trick for making cell phones in pictures appear more sleek and thin. In the future, the clothes get shinier, the cheap tactics stay the same.
“Before you know it, some weak-chinned chippy in a stovepipe hat and goggles will turn up on Martha Stewart’s Living to show everyone at home how to hot-glue clock gears onto their toaster oven/tea kettle/labial folds.”
Thus Meredith poignantly described the slow demise of the Steampunk aesthetic in this thread. Pictured above, an eerie and all too real display of how true her words ring, but in an industrial tone [I think?]. Below, the same concept executed well, for contrast.
Hear me, and hear me well - we love you, but the first person to glue cogs/clock arms/vintage keys/etc. to their face gets a raygunnin’ straight to HELL.
Greg Gutfeld, widely hailed as FOX’s answer to Jon Stewart (this is their second stalwart attempt since embarrassing themselves with the Half-Hour News Hour), takes a jab at Suicide Girls and peripheral cultures in a rant entitled “Be a Rebel with a Cause“:
I know who these girls are — they’re annoying, Goth-punk chicks who champion uniqueness through tattoos, piercing and bisexual posturing. I imagine they also self-mutilate, since that’s pretty deep too… They should be pushed into rivers. This non-conformity is purely conformist. All these rebels look and act the same — spouting relativistic nonsense through silver tongue studs. Why do they proclaim their individuality, but look identical?It’s because they’re fake.
Mr. Gutfeld, you have stabbed me and rest of the alternative world right in the heart, deeper than our Bic razors ever went. I’ve never thought of it this way before! Perhaps only the most wise and introspective amongst us have contemplated our collective existence with such cold-eyed realism.
Who in our scene is strong enough to fully grasp Mr. Gutfeld’s insight? I know only of the great sage mercifulXicution of VampireFreaks, who offers some hope for our kind with her ruminations: “I really really hate fake people….so if you are not yourself (Are a fake bisexual person, have fake tats and piercings) please just fucking LEAVE now.” Such similarity in discourse from such different camps. Perhaps, with such intellectual leaders as these, there is hope for friendship between our people.
The rest of the article is amusing and reads like a gentle version of Vice’s DOs and DON’Ts, lamenting the prevalence of “50-year-old women getting dolphin tattoos on their ankles and fat old men wearing board shorts and wallet chains.” The conclusion reminds you that you’re on foxnews.com again:
Real rebels are people who work hard. Love their parents. And fight for their beliefs, preferably in the military. Those folks are far cooler than self-harming skanks.
Oh, Fox News, Suicide Girls, can’t we all just get along? No? I think I have a compromise that will appeal to both parties:
Finally! UGGs and Crocs weren’t sufficiently powerful on their own, so there is now this delicious blend of both!
Sloppy and sweaty! mmfft.
The herds of peroxide-silicone-fried chicken-flesh types [velour leisure suits proudly stuffed into UGGs or flopping around lost duckling-style in micro-shorts and Crocs] now have another option for comfort and Hawt Glamour Fashion! Rejoice. Rejoice while you can…
