Nu-Coney Is Our Future

Latest news stories reveal that the the Thor Equities plan to destroy Coney Island as we know it is dead in the water. And what a shame!

Listen, I know that Coney Island is a magical pocket of time and space that feels like walking inside an endless antique funhouse mirror. I know the chill of entering The Ghost Hole. I know that no score in life is sweeter than getting Mad Max right in the face in a game of Shoot the Freak. And I’ll dislocate my neck again any day for a ride on the world’s oldest wooden roller coaster.

Knowing all this, how can I support the re-construction of Coney Island? Two words: “dystopian pleasuredome.” Some of the concept designs for the new Coney Island are so nasty, garish, lurid and kitsch, that it just might work. I hope they do it. In fact, I hope that the designs get even worse, for that will take it to a whole new level. Just look at this:

It looks like somebody took Second Life and extrapolated it into the real world – all you need are some flying penises and the picture is complete. I’m convinced that this is what Coney Island needs to become truly great again. At some point, the proposed concept drawings promised us a Coney Island filled with dozens of translucent mini parachute jumps, skyscraper-tall holographic projections, roller coasters that wind from building to building like curly monorails, a rooftop landing pad for blimps, and something called “The Freakenspiel” – a “merry-go-round and water fountain topped by a pyrotechnic elephant.” However, the latest renderings, in response to worldwide pressure to “Save Coney Island,” have been markedly more traditional and therefore boring. Nobody wants to see the same old carnival facades, devoid of the layer of unwashable grime and stories that made Coney Island so compelling. So blast it all to hell and bring on the Jellyfish on Sticks.

Here are two more images of your future… if all goes well:

5 Responses to “Nu-Coney Is Our Future”

  1. theremina Says:


  2. nadyalev Says:

    EMBRACE YOUR FUTURE! Resistance is futile!

  3. Paul Komoda Says:


    I miss the GHOST HOLE!!

  4. Zoetica Says:

    I am lovingly, if fearfully, embracing the future..mmmfft. mrmmfff.

  5. Tracy Says:

    Hello. I just wanted to say that the ‘Mad Max’ link, is linked to my photo/photo page. I appreciate you linking to it