Telly Savalas Loves Ya, Baby

The bald, glistening pate of Telly Savalas has always stirred unutterable longings deep within me. I’m having trouble deciding which video for his cover of “If” I love more. This first version, where Kojak’s officially the shy one at some orgy…

Woo! Sphincter Cam! (via Fark)

or this one, in which he serenades an enormous, nonplussed, vaseline-smeared head:

All I know for sure is, I really want a cigarette right now.

5 Responses to “Telly Savalas Loves Ya, Baby”

  1. Tequila Says:

    He was too beautiful for this world…

    “Come and pour yourself by me…” is officially my new pick up line. Watch out ladies!

    Now all I need is that outfit…and a giant deer in the headlights vaseline blurred head to follow me.

    Really the only thing better would have been a Telly Savalas vs. Yul Brynner “Stomp The Yard/Bring It On/You Got Served” duel…man the amount of panties that’d drop at that face off would impress even Tom Jones.

  2. Zoetica Says:

    #2 for me, definitely.

    There is something in watching him mouth the words that makes it extra-compelling. Or maybe it’s the way he moves in those beige trousers? Or the smoking – doesn’t it make you want to yell “Take a drag or your cigarette will go out!”

    Oh Telly.

  3. Mark Says:

    Mer, I now have a brutal dose of The Fear.

    It kicked in at 1:35, when both sides of Telly’s face started looking directly at me, but as if they each thought I was sitting in a different area of the room.

    Mind you, the damage had largely been done by around 0:40, when I realised that the Floaty Mask Of Romantic TormentĀ® looks upsettingly like a pork waterbed.

    Mummy, do I have to fall in love? *whimper*

  4. DJ Velveteen Says:

    Zo, I had the very same thought about the cigarette. I wanted to hope that he’d exhale smoke at the end of the second video, but nay – it had been rendered an inanimate prop by the length of his meanderings.

    I just want to know how this stuff gets made. Like once, someone had the budget to promote this stuff, and thought: “Hmm… feed the poor… or MAKE A STAR??”

  5. Skerror Says:

    “this one, in which he serenades an enormous, nonplussed, vaseline-smeared head:”

    So THIS is what Matthew Barney and Bjork were building on that whaling ship!