Du. Du hast. Du hast Milch!

Being mettul is hard on the joints, and no one understands our needs better than German agricultural marketing firms.

Number of the beast (er, cow?)

With a tag-line like “Hard types need hard bones… drink milk!”, beer is now officially relegated to Trivium fans, folks. The campaign was developed by Hamburg Technical Art School, who will hopefully not be sued by Metallica for using their font.

Advertisers are becoming increasingly metal-friendly, although admittedly the genre is used largely as a vehicle for some ill-conceived punch line. But who can blame them? Metallers look like wankers and write shittier lyrics than Mariah Carey. Everything they touch turns into comedy GOLD:

Red Meat:

No idea what this is for, but I think it’s Norwegian:

Special thanks to Zwetschke for helping with translation!

21 Responses to “Du. Du hast. Du hast Milch!”

  1. Simon Says:

    That’s kinda fun ^^ I imagine big beardead heavy metal guys with glasses of milk doing a pogo…weird..

    ((—> it’s Iron Maiden’s font, not Metallica’s. ))

  2. mildred Says:

    The Metallica font refers to the link (click ‘using their font’), not the image. Sorry, I should have been more clear on that. I fail at blogging :)

    Any animal product is sorta metal by default. Embibing the flesh and bodily substances of an animal is tr00. Pogo-ing…that’s a debate to be had…

  3. Steve Cooper » Blog Archive » Du Hast Milch Says:

    […] link […]

  4. drtenge Says:

    KFC is TRVE KVLT?!…that is so awesome.

  5. VonTurbo Says:

    Metallers look like wankers? Pot. Kettle. Black.

  6. filwinn Says:

    I grinned, and then I grinned some more.
    Nice article :-)

  7. gooby Says:

    My dad was no “Metaller” (We called em Heshans, Loadies, or Metalheads in my time), but he sure DID like his milch!

    I remember being driven to school in the morning in his matte lemon yellow Ford Pinto, with the big “I Heart Milk” sticker on the back.

    And even back then, I remember thinking, “My dad likes milk SOOO much, that he went and found a sticker to tell everybody!” No other stickers on the car. No “This political figure is a twat!” or “There’s a religious figure in my car with me doin stuff”.

    Simply “I Heart Milk”…

  8. mildred Says:

    Steve+Filwinn: :D

    Vonturbo: More like calling a pot calling a pot black. METAL pots. From IKEA.

    I spend about 40% of my income on going to metal shows, often involving airfare. I’d look like less of a wanker if I put than money toward shoes and handbags, but I can live with that and I hope metallers never change. So far so good. :)

    Drtenge: KFC is truly frostbitten

  9. mildred Says:

    Gooby: At least he held back from a tattoo, eh?
    Your dad is cool. Always trust the wisdom of a man who drives a matte yellow Ford Pinto :)

  10. q gauti Says:

    this stuff is enough to make one start pumping fist in the air like a vertically-challenged boxer.

  11. Jared Says:

    After seeing that KFC commercial, I now want to start a death metal band called Helvetica.

    Either that, or a barber shop quartet called The Times New Romans.

  12. Nadya Says:

    AHAH, someone else noticed the Helvetica. I love it!

    Me, I’m starting a gothic band called Akzidenz Grotesk.

  13. gooby Says:

    I wanted a Synth Pop band called “New Folder”

  14. mildred Says:

    I claim Wingdingz as the title for my boy band.

    This is fun.

  15. mer Says:

    Another one…
    Part one: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=u0bbQ6Ts1_A
    There was a longer version with a lot of funny details I cannot find now.
    Part two: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OnYvASZCWNs not that good.

    That is a Spanish commercial for a lottery prize. Their “most jevi” prize. I saw a billboard there and when I came back I had to find the commercials.

    Great post, and great comments, haha.
    I guess I am a sort of metalhead, although most of the time I do not look like one. But I’ve got myself a very metal boyfriend to compensate, hehee.

  16. Saturn Says:

    Ha ha! The last one is an ad for a grocery store chain. I shopped there once and found the most amazing dark chocolate with pink peppercorn. OMG! So good =-)

  17. mildred Says:

    Mer: Wicked….I have a gig partner. We missed Nile tonight :(

    Saturn: Mystery solved, and…pink peppercorn? Do they get that from unicorn forests?

  18. Ben Morris Says:

    mildred: Pink (or brazilian) peppercorn Schinus terebinthifolius are a fruit that tastes somewhat similar to black pepper but isn’t very related to it botanically. It is often included in peppercorn mixes (along with white, black, and green peppercorns, which are all preparations of Piper nigrum.).

    As for their possible cultivation within unicorn forests I do not know, but it seems likely.

  19. mer Says:

    Mildred, Nile is too much for me, with the exception of some dirty trve black metal, I like it slow and depressing, haha. I am afraid I am the most boring gig partner…

  20. VonTurbo Says:

    Haha! IKEA is truely the most metal of stores.

    Which is a black metal band and which is an IKEA mug?


    Answeres on a postcard please.

  21. Milly von Hilly Says:

    LOL I know the answer to that because I cheated.

    Someone needs to buy the url ‘www.ikeaormetalband.com’. We’d totally get blogged.

    Oh wait…we just did. Result!