Buy My Shit Pile: The Website

If you’re a halfway sentient and rational human being keeping tabs on the most recent political/financial upheaval in the United States, you’re probably pretty spectacularly depressed right now. I know I am. Thankfully, we’re not quite at this point yet; we can still laugh through our tears. It may be the sick, hopeless laughter of the damned, but hey… whatever gets us through the night.

Fellow gallows bird Kelly Sue just directed me to The site’s premise is simple:

With our economy in crisis, the US Government is scrambling to rescue our banks by purchasing their “distressed assets”, i.e., assets that no one else wants to buy from them. We figured that instead of protesting this plan, we’d give regular Americans the same opportunity to sell their bad assets to the government. We need your help and you need the Government’s help!

Use the form below to submit bad assets you’d like the government to take off your hands. And remember, when estimating the value of your 1997 limited edition Hanson single CD “MMMbop”, it’s not what you can sell these items for that matters, it’s what you think they are worth. The fact that you think they are worth more than anyone will buy them for is what makes them bad assets.

Recent listing on “You can own my cat Brent’s furry little balls for $512.87! He isn’t so thrilled about the transaction, but fuel prices have driven cat food’s sky high.”

Notable items listed include “WaMu: $0.01”, “My Liberal Arts Bachelor’s Degree: $20.000”, “The ET Atari 2600 Game: $88.000”, “Nancy Pelosi: $0.75” and “My Dignity: $4,500,00.00”. Truly, this is fiscal responsibility of the highest caliber.

In the coming weeks, whenever I feel like I’m about to crumble under the weight of my own despair, I’ll definitely be visiting/adding to the site, and hopefully selling off my complete run of Hot Dog! children’s magazine for the price it deserves ($156,940.81) in the process.

9 Responses to “Buy My Shit Pile: The Website”

  1. gooby Says:

    I see something stiiiinkeeeee!!! Heh heh.

  2. Tequila Says:

    Well cool I just scored myself a “Captain Willie Swiss Army One point Moose Whistle” for only $18,900!!! It’ll really only set me back about $1 or so for shipping when my “Gym sock possibly worn by Brad Pitt” sells for $30,000.

  3. cappy Says:

    You know, this is an incredibly selfish though, but I’m eagerly waiting the desperation of the coming “The Great Depression 2: The Sequel.” Hardship helps spur artistic creativity in all sorts of people!

    Gotta look on the brightside, somehow.

  4. Jon Munger Says:

    Hopefully this Depression will, like the ideal human depression, spur the country to make changes that should have happened thirty years ago. We went through the ‘buy a new car and screw the trophy creature”.
    Or we could, you know, off ourselves in a miserable fury. Whatever’s clever, right?

  5. Ed Autumn Says:

    Oooo! I look forward to busting out my Road Warrior gear that’s been ready to go since I thought of it five minutes ago. Also, if there is really something to look forward to, it’s the (re)emergence of this.

    As for buymyshitpile, I’m saving up for these: Jebus!; VERY useful; Burnsssssssss.

    Possible more to come… :D

  6. Jerem Morrow Says:

    Now I can dig that copy of Milli Vanilla out of the closet.

  7. Tequila Says:

    @Jerem…closet? Dude mine never left the CD player. They spoke to a whole generation of people wanting to lip sync and wear spandex…pioneers man…pioneers.

  8. Shay Says:

    I literally just choked laughing, this is awesome.

  9. SOFIA Says:

    I added this page to my Stumbleupon account