Behold The Harvest

Deep down we all knew this; didn’t we? We all had our suspicions. How else could we reconcile the putrid taste of that colorless powder, requiring as it did pounds of sugar in order to dispel that fetid flavor which so offended the palate, and transform it into the toothsome elixir so beloved by children? A flavor which we can now pin upon the lingering stench of death.

More important queries, however, concern the Man itself. Whatever qualms we may have had in reference to its violent behavior, its insatiable need for destruction, are finally confirmed. “There is no reason,” we said to ourselves, “that someone should constantly smash through walls if their intentions are pure.”

Now all those questions and concerns have been answered. Now, thanks to Jon Vermilyea, we can say with absolute certainty that we were right. Now we can say that Kool-Aid is people.

9 Responses to “Behold The Harvest”

  1. Nadya Says:

    OH YEAH!

  2. Miss Destructo Says:

    I always wondered what those kids would explain to the parents

    “A huge pitcher of kool aid came through the wall mom…”

    yeeeah, this totally wouldn’t fly by my dad.

  3. fortheloveofthestars Says:

    I always thought it was a metaphorical wall, you know, the kids’ emotional walls.

  4. Julia Navigatrix Says:

    I NEVER liked that Kool-Aid man…shaped…vaguely…you know what, Kool-Aid “man” is a misnomer. It’s a giant pitcher thing with a face.

    This puts me in mind of a comic I read a while back about a violent gang war between anthropomorphic breakfast foods and cereal mascots. Like, there was a pancake and bacon and a glass of orange juice having it out with a waffle and sunny-side-up eggs and a box of froot-loop type cereal, and somehow they were all able to bleed and have viscera ripped out and whatnot. Sadly, I don’t remember where I read it or who drew it. Pretty nightmare fuel-ish, though.

  5. john colby Says:

    I can’t believe Kool aid never came out with a Jonestown flavor. There is NO such thing as bad press…

  6. Infamous Amos Says:

    Kool-Aid Man. Mayor McCheese. Twinkie the Kid. Mr. Peanut

    If I was ever going to rob a bank, and I needed to give the other people in the job Reservoir Dogs-esque code names, I think food mascot names would be a damn fine way to leave a lasting impression.

    Kool-Aid would be the demolition expert.

  7. cappy Says:


    Just looks like a big jar to me. :P

    Seriously though, it does.

  8. Jordan Says:

    “Product,” a short online comic by Jon Phillips. A must-read. Art isn’t stellar, but… worth it.

    Yeah, I dislike ebaumsworld as much as anyone, but it’s the only place I could still find it.

  9. Seth Says:

    The 80’s Television Anti-Terrorist Team!

    A horde of Gummi Bears deflecting bullets and mortars off their bouncy tummies leads the charge, followed swiftly by Rainbow Brighta slinging chromatic death from atop their My Little Ponies.

    For hardened structures, in comes The Kool-Aid Man, to punch through rebarred concrete, bedrock, or armor plating like it were tissue paper.

    And last but not least, squadrons of eerily floating Teddy Ruxpins blaring pro-democracy propaganda.