Granny Fashion

Let it never be said that I am fashion conscious. That is not to be taken in the traditional sense, that I do not take care in my appearance for, while this is true — a fact to which my various burlap and sack cloth ensembles attest — I mean “not fashion conscious” as in I am almost unaware that people design clothes in a way that would be pleasing to the eye. I am fashion comatose. I am fashion regressive.

This fact was probably not immediately aware to my new colleagues but it was not long after I arrived at the Catacombs, wearing a newly acquired potato sack, that it began to dawn on them that something might be amiss. Escorted into a deceptively large and well lit boardroom I was seated at a large table. Here Nadya, in what I assume was a generous act of good faith, laid out an impressive spread of photographic content which would be appearing in the third issue of their magazine. Obviously anticipating a thoughtful reaction I made an effort to appear knowledgeable. Picking up one of the photos I scrutinized it fastidiously, pursing my lip and nodding in what I hoped was a convincingly savvy manner. Finally, after a seemingly endless forty seconds I placed the photo down, leaning back and tenting my fingers I said, with absolute authority “These are beautiful. That dress makes her bosom look really impressive.” I need not tell you that the silence in that room was deafening.

You must then take my enthusiasm for these reading glasses with something approaching a brick of salt. It is all together possible that my enthusiasm for these glasses from Filao — which are being distributed on this continent by French Melody — stems from a shameful fantasy of them hanging round the lily-white neck of a svelte, Alt-librarian. This is a bad reason to like something, especially considering that there are no Alt libraries near me, nor in existence. Still, there’s something about the masquerade aesthetic and the ability to fold them away that is undeniably appealing, even to someone as fashionably brain-dead as yours truly.

7 Responses to “Granny Fashion”

  1. greenpencil Says:

    I like the idea but why must they all look so 70’s ish?

  2. Heather Says:

    If I could somehow use these in everyday life without looking like a nonce (or interfering with my ability to drink coffee and read a newspaper at the same time), I totally would buy a pair.

  3. Vivacious G Says:

    I would definitely wear the red flame ones. As long as they make my bosoms look impressive.

  4. Heather Says:

    To the contrary – all libraries are alt libraries! Since, in polite society (and impolite), complete freedom of information is a thoroughly radical concept.

  5. Kale Kip Says:

    Can’t say I really need those glasses, but I sure loved that post. It even had a touch of boobs in it!

  6. Lydia Says:

    The company is actually French Melody. Or is this some sort of in-joke on the name of which I’m not aware? Possibly!

  7. ironrinn Says:

    Lydia – Argh. No, it’s not a joke I’m just an idiot who doesn’t proofread as well as he should.