Werner Herzog Reads Your Favorite Children’s Books

Truly there is no one better to explain the cold, harsh reality of our favorite children’s classics than Werner Herzog. The famed German director is the ideal candidate to narrate George’s lesson in the nature of desire, plucked from the sprawling jungle that was his home. Who better to chronicle the affection Mike Mulligan has for his steam-shovel, an affection “out of proportion with social norms”? The director of Nosferatu the Vampyre and Fitzcarraldo that’s who. He possesses the cool, calculating eye required to look through the whimsical veneer of these tales and gaze upon the cruel truths within; to drag you kicking and screaming from the safety of childish innocence and in his melodious Deutsche tones, birth you anew.

11 Responses to “Werner Herzog Reads Your Favorite Children’s Books”

  1. Mark Says:

    This is amazing in ways I cannot express textually.

  2. Dj Dead Billy Says:

    Hilarious, but not Werner Herzog

  3. Andy Says:

    Funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks.

  4. Miss E Says:

    The small child in me is traumatized.

  5. Catherine Says:

    Mike Mulligan and the misappropriation of the Maori haka!

  6. Mer Says:

    Funny, but I would have loved this SO much more if it actually sounded more like Werner Herzog. A for effort, but whoever’s imitating him just doesn’t come close. (I’m a tough sell, I guess, having obsessively watched ever single documentary the man’s ever made multiple times.) I swear, that man has the most singularly delicious and oddly comforting voice I’ve ever heard. Remember when Joaquin Phoenix got in that car wreck and Herzog helped rescue him?

    “I remember this knocking on the passenger window. There was this German voice saying, ‘Just relax.’ There’s the airbag, I can’t see and I’m saying, ‘I’m fine. I am relaxed. Finally, I rolled down the window and this head pops inside. And he said, ‘No, you’re not.’

    “And suddenly I said to myself, ‘That’s Werner Herzog!’ There’s something so calming and beautiful about Werner Herzog’s voice. I felt completely fine and safe. I climbed out. I got out of the car and I said, ‘Thank you,’ and he was gone.”

    This was right around the time the man got shot in the leg during an interview and decided to keep the tape rolling. Fuckin’ A, I love him. I wish he WOULD offer audiobooks of children’s stories!

  7. Tequila Says:

    It may not sound like Werner but Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel will never quite ring the same to me now. I think I need a drink after hearing that…

  8. Ross Rosenberg Says:

    I guess my taste isn’t discerning enough, as he sounds enough like Herzog to sell me on it.

  9. lucy l Says:


    SCOOPED! By a month.

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