Delicious Figs

Perhaps no fruit plays a greater role in ancient cultures than the noble fig. Subfossil figs have been found in Jordan that predate the domestication of even wheat and rye. The fruit also appears in many religious traditions, for instance the leaves of the fig tree were used, according to the Book of Genesis, as the first underwear.

No man may understand the fig like albertluk6043382973, a gentleman whose enjoyment of this fruit borders on the perverse. In his instructional video he shows the viewer exactly how to determine the fruit’s ripeness and how then to pluck it from the branches. Gently, he caresses the purplish skin, stretched taut by the bloated flesh within. With the intensity of an amateur pornographer he focuses our gaze on the ostiole, open and secreting a sugary dew.

Soon though, his movements become more daring. Grasping the fig with one hand he begins to twist the stem; splitting the skin with his fingers. Finally, released from the branch of its birth, he brings it towards us, tearing it open to reveal the sticky interior, flush and glistening. Only when we have drunk in this sight does the shirtless man bring the fig to his lips and devour it with an ardor tempered by months of desire and need. Here, truly, is a man whose love for the fig is unmatched. He is part of a long tradition, possessing a deep understanding of the natural eroticism of the Ficus carica — and in that knowledge he revels. Juice running down his face, he celebrates; for now is the time for figs.

8 Responses to “Delicious Figs”

  1. Ashbet Says:

    This guy is almost as good as “Double Rainbow” :D

  2. Zoetica Says:

    You’re a sick bastard, Ross. SICK.

  3. Mer Says:

    I’ve watched this clip maybe 10 times since Ross tweeted it yesterday and I’m still crying from laughing so hard. Cheers.

  4. Mer Says:


    Another wonderful wacky-narrator-with-camera companion piece:

  5. joasakura Says:

    as much as I applaud this guy’s obvious joie de vivre- i gotta say, i felt a little like I needed a shower after that :D

  6. monkey Says:

    I am pretty sure this video has created a fig phobia for me.

  7. mer Says:

    I am not watching this. I love figs.

  8. Dave Says:

    I’ve picked many a fig in my time so I understand his gushing lust for its yielding softness.

    But I’d have to say that he pretty much ruined that fig while picking it. For a fig as soft as that, you gotta pinch it up near the stem!