Crowleymass, LOLeymass
“I’m a little teapot…” By Charles Krafft. As seen on LAShTAL.
Quiver and quail, Thelemites, for Τὸ Μεγα Θηρίον‘s whelping day is upon us. What better way to acknowledge the degenerate rice-cooker than with one of David Tibet‘s crowning musical/lyrical achievements, a magickal rap ditty called “Crowleymass Unveiled”?
File this one under the ultra specific hybrid category of “Can’t believe this actually exists/Can’t stop laughing.” Along with this. Also, this.
Full “Crowleymass” lyrics posted after the jump.
Okay boys and girls, let’s go.
(Alright!)
Another wretched morning
A wretched October day.
No sound of angels in the trees
Christmas is far away.
Yeah, listen, what’s this?
The televoice starts whipping ’round
The vision comes today
And this is what the voice declaims
It’s To Mega Therion’s birthday!
Don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
I said
Don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
One more time!
Don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
Well you can take your three wise kings, your manger sheep, and hey
And I’m gonna tell you why, too
Cause the Thelema-boys are taking over with the tidings of… The Beast’s birthday!
Don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
I said don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
One more time: Don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass! Crowleymass! Crowleymass!
See the little children at Crowleymass
Their faces full of awe
And they don’t get no shitty dolls and trains and stuff like that.
No, they just get… THE BOOK OF THE LAAAAAWWWWW.
Don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
I said don’t give us no sass or we’ll kick your ass
Cause we’re the heralds of Crowleymass!
Well you can take your reincarnation, transubstantiation and your papal kiss. [smoochy noises]
Cause I’m with The Beast in beastly bliss
And all I want is copulation!
Oh darling! [grunts and groans]
And there ain’t no grace, there ain’t no guilt
Cause this is the law, do what thou wilt
The name is Crowley, it rhymes with holy
It isn’t Crowley, that rhymes with fouly. (Eeewww.)
Well you can take your reincarnation, transubstantiation and your papal kiss.
‘Cause I’m with The Beast in beastly bliss. Uhhhh.
And all I want is good old-fashioned copulation!
October 12th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
For too many reasons, I’m going to be giggling my silly ass off all night over this!
October 13th, 2010 at 2:04 am
Oh, *shudder*. That fucking song was ubiquitous at Death Guild and House of Usher around 1992/1993. I had hoped never to be reminded of it again. David Tibet really is just fantastically wretched. What rock did you turn over to rediscover this, uh, “lost gem”? (And what would the Vigilant Citizen think??)
October 13th, 2010 at 3:45 am
@jwz I don’t have any torturous club associations, it just cracks me up. Every October, my bf busts it out and we giggle for a few minutes while imagining Crowley doing the running man/cabbage patch.
October 13th, 2010 at 6:55 am
Wow. Honestly had no idea this existed! Thanks for that cabbage patch visual, Mer, I hope to carry it with me for years to come. Happy birthday, O Degenerate Rice-cooker.
October 13th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
http://www.roflcopter.net/roflcopter.gif
October 13th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Credit where its due…
the tea pot is by Charles Kraft, “The oldest promising young artist in the Pacific Northwest”
http://www.antiquesatoz.com/artatoz/krafft/index.htm