Dutch Candy Horrors

Update: So Nanna in the comments points out that Bon-Bon is not, indeed, Dutch but Danish which means that I’m an idiot and everything in this article is wrong. Everything except the part about Dutch toilets.

Above, dear reader, you will find a collection of five commercials, circa 1990, for candies produced by Dutch confectioners, Bonbon. These sugary delights have names like Ape Snoten and Smul-Tietjen which crude internet translation informs me is, roughly, Boob Feast in English. That particular treat features a nightmarish and considerable buxom, anthropomorphic cow milking another, non-anthropomorphized cow after which her heaving breasts explode from her shirt making for what must be a record holder for most fetishes in a television commercial. This is only one in a series of ads featuring a plethora of bodily fluids and functions. Please do not let these commercials affect your opinions of the Dutch, however. Yes this seems odd, but no doubt there are more than a few aspects of our culture that would confound the citizens of the Netherlands. No, we should instead save our condescending judgment for their bizarre and unholy toilets, equipped with “inspection shelf”.

4 Responses to “Dutch Candy Horrors”

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  2. Nanna Says:


    Sorry for correcting you, but BonBon is a Danish brand, founded in the beginning of the 80’ies.

    I’m not quite sure how you ended up with a Dutch version of the commercial, but it was definitely made in Denmark – we even have a theme park based on the BonBon-brand *grins* (and yes, it’s as daft as it sounds)

    – We found the candy very amusing when I was a child though.


  3. NemesisOnline Says:

    I remember these! No need to apologize, these might have been originally Danish (I didn’t know that), but they still ran on Dutch TV and were marketed to children. I think a better translation of Smultietjes would be Yummy Titties.

    Things have changed a lot here, I don’t think these commercials could be shown nowadays.

  4. Nanna Says:

    Hahah, no need for apologies, just thought it was funny =)

    The tittie candy was btw called something like “Big Boobies” in Danish.