Alex Jones And The Clockwork Elves

Every once in a while I like to check in on Alex Jones, just to see how he’s doing. The man lives in a very dangerous world, you understand. Far more dangerous than the sphere that you and I inhabit. Crazy shit goes down on a daily basis in Jones’s ‘hood, so I just stop by every now and then to make sure that his head hasn’t exploded or, at the very least, to witness his head exploding.

There could not have been a better time. Truly, this is some of the man’s finest work. It’s got everything a conspiracy could ask for: government cover-ups, drug use, Philip K. Dick and elves. It’s awe-inspiring stuff. The gist is that powerful old men, who may or may not be ruling the world, are jacked up on the powerful hallucinogen dimethyltryptamine (DMT). Under the effects of the drug, they have come into contact with beings Jones’s claims they refer to as “clockwork elves” who instructed them to enslave humanity and build the Large Hadron Collider.

Now, Jones insists that he does not believe this (probably…maybe) and that this is “pretty David Icke”. He wants you to know that he doesn’t talk about this stuff because it would blow your mind. But he also knows that you need to know these things. You need to be aware because, as mentioned, Alex Jones lives in a pretty dangerous world and, with his help, you can too.

13 Responses to “Alex Jones And The Clockwork Elves”

  1. camilla Says:

    By clockwork elves, I think he’s referring to the self transforming machine elves:

    I learned about them from Overcompensating, the webcomic. This is education in the internet age.

  2. Cristobat Says:

    I’m with ya on the need to check in with Alex Jones. Much like David Icke, I’m not certain what it is that Alex requires from us. While sharing his vision of a totalitarian-total enslavement future/present is his main goal, I never really hear any call to action other than tell everyone you know to listen to me.
    If such evil cabals that do control/try to control the world do exist, I’ve long theorized that people like Alex Jones and David Icke are their best propaganda agents as their rhetoric tends to end on the note of “We are fucked.”

  3. Anna Says:

    The dangerous world of a faux-demagogue and declining radio market.

  4. Ben Johnson Says:

    By some strange coincidence (OR WAS IT?!?) I just happened to be listening to a Robert Anton Wilson talk, wherein he happily tells you that he doesn’t believe in the Hollow Earth, the Merovingian dynasty (scions of either Jesus and Magdalen or aliens from Sirius, depending on who you believe), or any of a dozen other oddities. Still, at least Uncle RAW will occasionally tone down the goofy stories and distill them into a positive message of the “stay curious, bitches!” sort.

    That said, I find his cliche libertarian view that public schools make kids dumber (on purpose, even!) to be extremely frustrating.

  5. Theseus Says:

    He’s a Jesuit and tool of the Vatican and its efforts to establish a One World government with the Church as the official religion…then they can return to what they love and do best…burning and torturing heretics and heathens. The Nazi SS was modeled on the Jesuit Order and the CIA was founded by Jesuits and Nazi sympathizers…oh, and by the way…there are at least 500 billion galaxies in the Universe…we are obviously not alone. Skepticism in regard to that borders on the mentally retarded.

  6. Paul Komoda Says:

    I agree with Cristobat’s observation about these characters. Like televangelists, they rant and froth, building up the “big scare” regarding whichever Legion of Doom suits their purposes, but in the end it’s all ,” send me your money….buy my shit!”
    Having said that, they can be, on rare occasion, thoroughly entertaining , though I do find it irritating that so many people I know take this stuff so seriously.

  7. Theseus Says:

    Paul Komoda…the know it all knows nothing “free thinker” cynic who in reality just believes what he’s told/wants to believe, because being a rootless nihilist with no values and traditional basis for living…eats and feeds at the trough of pure and not in the least bit free…although they think of it that way…self aggrandizing hedonism and self subculture obsessed “self fulfillment. In reality neither free or fulfilled and certainly not the least bit independent. But, as the intended and by design…see Heinlein(Godfather of Hippie movement) it neutralizes people politically and intellectually, so while they pursue self obsessive “I am number one…see BBC TV show The Prisoner” fetishes…the Monetary Elites are free to manipulate and control the public with impunity.

    “‘Ancestry’ explores the importance for Nietzsche of ancestors, tradition, continuity, and genealogy (e.g. his desire to be descended from Polish noblemen and for which, as Bertram notes, there is scant evidence). Nietzsche’s ‘guiding dream’, he maintains, was the self-renewing duration of the highest human values (13), and to this end he is a preserver of tradition (since without an inheritance we are nothing.) Bertram rightly notes Nietzsche’s interest in atavistic persons and in the idea of atavism in general: Nietzsche thus defines the mission of families and castes that conserve a people in an extremely aristocratic sense — an aristocracy once-removed, as it were: they should not merely steadily preserve a precious type, they should instead maintain the possibility of the rare person, of the person who does not take after his immediate predecessors, but instead embodies a very old cultural heritage and the most distant biological memory. They should continue to enable such re-emergence and regrowths of ancient, precious instincts and drives within an increasingly rapid democratic mixture of races, habits, and values…A race that has not died out is a race that has constantly grown…the rarest people are always the people with the longest inner memory, He therefore regards ‘Jews’ as the strongest race in our uncertain Europe… ( 25).”

  8. Paul Komoda Says:

    Gee whiz, Theseus, you’ve seen through me like I’m made of glass.

  9. JoAsakura Says:

    I don’t have sound here at work, but I’m amusing myself by imagining that he’s ranting about machine elves in a high-pitched chipmunk voice

  10. Loquai Adamane Says:

    I think you mean the Dal. Those “elves” are only drones. Simple electronics with which they communicate to certain individuals because a face to face meeting would entice them enough to kill you. They have trouble with things that are different than they are. All they want is a stable vortex to this dimension. They have one on their end, but due to the unstable nature of the vortex on our end they cannot come through. I have nothing to worry about them, we already have an active contract through signals sent through white and pink noise broadbands. It is ironic that even the most knowledgeable know nothing of them or me for that matter. It is very funny.

  11. Tequila Says:

    Hey it’s Dale Gribble! (or Rusty Shackleford?)

    It’s a bit hard to take Alex Jones seriously when he doesn’t stop to take a breath. He gets too excitable. If he slowed down and talked in a more 70’s occult show narrators voice – he’d be more likeable.

    The man is a fear junkie who uses his immense “truth” to push more DVD’s than most porn companies these days. I wouldn’t mind or care about any of it if it wasn’t for the fact some people actually cite him as a source for TRUTH.

    THAT is the scary part – the people who actually buy into his nuttery and are willing to go to extremes to prove it or convince one of it.

    That said I hope my Pod is warm and The Pentagon lets me play World of Warcraft as part of my Electronic Manipulation for The New World Order of Whatever.

    Also, The Clockwork Elves seems like a great name for a steampunk band no?

  12. Thews Says:

    When my grandma was in the hospital, all the drugs they had her on made her see little men dancing along the wall up at the ceiling, so people do see little men. Do the little men want to take over earth?, who can tell; some say Lucifer wants to control earth, maybe he is working for the little men.

  13. 7-STAR Says:

    The Illuminati’s end game is to use pop-culture personalities (Lady Gaga, KE$HA, Katy Perry to popularize a dance / sex ritual specifically designed to allow anybody to contact the clock-work elves — who are also the ‘living creatures’ described in the Bible. It all involves a character they called “MONITOR” (as in the all-seeing eye / eye in the triangle / the “3rd EYE”), this will be the “Beast” as prophesied in the book of Revelation. Remember Lady Gaga’s video “Telephone”? Where she takes a phone receiver and straps it to her left eye? Take the word “MONITOR” and spell it on an old phone pad and you get the number 666:4867. Since MONITOR is associated with the 3rd EYE people who ‘worship’ MONITOR will mark themselves on the forehead. You can expect the contactee epidemic to culminate around December 21st of this year. TiK ToK!!!