“Shine On Me” Will Burn Out All Your Irony Receptors

Oh… my. Wayne just memed my ass out with the most astonishing OMGWTFBBQ music video of the year. Imagine what might happen if the rennies spiked your mead with DMT at Medieval Times. It is Epic. It is Über.

Meet Chris Dane Owens. He is here to fuck you, amigo. Fuck you earnestly, somberly, savagely, without the courtesy of a reach-around. For he is Legolas on a meth binge. He is Limahl with brass balls. His “Shine on Me” video is the prodigious, tumescent, chain-mail-piercing, pirate-booty-plundering, Adobe After Effects-abusing, alligator-exploiting, stock footage-pillaging D&D Destructo Dildo to the insidious butt plug of Brokencyde’s “Freaxx”.

Keep watching. Don’t click away. Follow that sparkly green Gretsch all the way to the finish line. Take it to the hilt, paladin.

59 Responses to ““Shine On Me” Will Burn Out All Your Irony Receptors”

  1. Annie Says:

    It’s like he learned what I’ve dreamed of… AND DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

  2. R. Says:

    I think I need a beer right now. That was just…wow…

  3. Jon Munger Says:

    I just got finished guffawing to Nic Cage punching an old lady whilst wearing a bear outfit when you hit me with this. This is why you are the master, and I am the apprentice.

  4. Nadya Says:

    I am SO glad I didn’t see this when I was 11 or whatever. My life could’ve gone… terribly, terribly wrong!


  5. el Says:

    after careful consideration, i can say with confidence that, no, i do not feel like he does.

  6. m1k3y Says:

    Holy Robocop being anally raped by a Unicorn, Batman!

  7. Jerem Morrow Says:


    2 things I kept expecting:

    1- PORN

    2- David Hasselhoff

  8. Jami Says:

    Why was Legolas sword fighting with Dr. Doom?! Lol, this was great, thank you.

  9. Alice Says:

    The really tragic part is…I actually kind of enjoyed the song….

    But yeah, no, I agree with Jerem Morrow–the whole thing smacked of Lord of the G-Strings.

  10. Damien Says:

    Wow… That video was somehow simultaneously ONLY FOR THAT SONG as well as being for a MUCH DIFFERENT SONG.

    I think my brain has ruptured its kidneys…

  11. Bonnie Says:

    I watched that twice and I still don’t know what was going on. There was unflattering facial hair, witches, explosions, a dragon puppet, a sleigh-riding scene… I saw it, I just don’t know how everything was connected.

  12. John C. Worsley Says:

    So that’s what became of Trent’s “Perfect Drug” moustache.

  13. Ms Constantine Says:

    OMGWTFBBQ indeed! That was so bad…the worst…and yet I don’t even care if that was supposed to be serious because it was epic.

    Totally expected porn somewhere in there though. Particularly after the look at 00:19

  14. David Forbes Says:

    My god, it’s like every online RPG storyline I was ever involved in as a very young lad gone horribly, horribly wrong.


  15. the daniel Says:

    aaaaaaaaaargh this is hilarious but fuck you for linking to that “freaxx” video – in about a minute i’ll be knifing out my sensory organs so i never have to experience it again..

  16. Mer Says:

    Come on, bitch, know you want ‘dis.

    Da hardcore shit make ya feel da toxic.

  17. athingcalledcat Says:

    anyone else get the westley-from-princess-bride vibe from his skinny ‘stached face?

  18. Mer Says:

    Oh HELL yes. Dudebro is copping some serious Dread Pirate Roberts steez, for sure.

  19. Dave L. Says:

    That video leaves so many unanswered questions! Like, to extend Jami’s question: What’s Doctor Doom doing in this mysterious bygone composite medieval 19th century? Why did the three hot witches(?) turn into Charlie’s Angels? And did he EXPLODE when he took off his shirt?!

    (I also totally thought Freaxx was going to be something like S Club 7 trying to do hip hop, as I watched it without sound the first time. My version was WAY better than the reality.)

  20. Tequila Says:

    I’ve no words for the awesomeness of that video.

    I have seen my Messiah.

    I shall be his disciple.

    I shall wear a cape!

    Finally an excuse to buy all those replica Lord of the Rings swords and wear them in public! :D

    As far as the Brokencyde’s video…yeah I’m gonna have to break my NO IMPALING PEOPLE ON 12 FOOT PIKES rule.

    @Dave L….WTF man? I spent YEARS trying to forget S Club 7 even existed only to have you remind me and all of their horrors come crashing back into my skull. For that you have to watch their TV show…ALL OF IT. :P

  21. Jon Carpenter Says:

    By some freak of computing I had this playing in two separate windows on a three second delay so I spent most of it thinking ‘why are they doing that never-ending thing with the snares?’

    And yes, there are many unanswered questions. Why the moustache? Was there meant to be a narrative? Was there nothing better to do with all that time and money? Did someone transmit 21st Century production tools back to 1983? Why did you do this to us when I’d spent 20 years trying to forget the eighties?

  22. Mara Says:

    i thought we’d oversome the sillyness that were the 80ies. i actually thought there would be no guy ever again to make such kitschy promotion videos at all!
    and THIS tops even the most bad 80-related videos!

    it’s actually so bad that i start to think that this is good! quite a hilarious idea for making a video and people talking about you.

  23. nicolas Says:

    Wow! And you can find a larger size on his (wonderful) website!

    Life is wonderful!

  24. velveteenbright Says:

    I don’t understand either. But here’s my general impression. The moustache is in love with the princess, three witches do not approve, they send a pirate after him (?), then they decide to fight the moustache themself and the moustache defeats them with the awesome power of love that shines through his chest..?

  25. Ashbet Says:

    Aww, man, a couple of other people beat me to it — but, yes. WHEN DID THE NELSON TWINS HAVE BABIES WITH THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS??!? AND WHAT IS UP WITH THE ‘SENSITIVE’ DOCTOR DOOM? AND AND AND *entire head goes into meltdown*

    This is MADE ENTIRELY OF AWESOME EPIC FAIL, but it’s a true delight to watch and mock. And your description/lead-up could not have been more perfect, Mer!

    *starts sharing trauma with my friends*

  26. Beth Says:

    My eighth grade self is very excited (I was the only one of all my friends into Legolas… the rest of them were Aragorn bitches). The rest of me is just… confused. Can I go back to bed now?

  27. christiane Says:

    zomg new girly crush!!! It’s like the 80s reborn, almost.

  28. hyuju Says:

    Conveniently I am taking celtic mythology.
    Conveniently, I have the entire class’s emails.

    Oh, I am tempted.

  29. rickie Says:

  30. Tanya Says:

    What Nadya said. I’m glad I didn’t have this as a kid. My tastes in men would have been REALLY damaged. Bad enough that because I read “Jane Eyre” so much, for the longest while in my dating life I kept questing for a Mr. Rochester (who really is not that nice at all).

    PS – His hair is pretty.

    PPS – Love the last graphic of the credits. I think I cut something like that out of construction paper in middle school.

  31. Denise Says:

    in addition to all the other things that people have mentioned, I’ve got to say that this man isn’t a very good actor – he has pretty much the same expression throughout the entire video :p or maybe he’s just had too much Botox?

    the song itself is pretty good though. *snerk* I might even go download some of his music.

  32. Skerror Says:

    I’ve seen this movie before…the Death Dealer kills him in the end:


    First Freaxx, now this…I think they’re trying to resurrect the dark one. I’m frightened we haven’t seen the worst yet…

  33. Thews Says:

    strangely this this did not blow my mind, stranger still i think i liked it…a lot

    also if Baldurs gate 4 can be half as good as this video it will be the best rpg evar.

  34. Anja Flower Says:

    What Nadya said about when I was young and vulnerable.

    Also, extra WTFHAPPENINGHERE???!?!?! for the Matrix reference. In a fantasy setting. With MAGICKAL FLOOFY FOTOSHAWP POWARZ. Um.

  35. Misha/DawaiOser Says:

    I’d agree with David Forbes above, and add awful Sci-Fi movies to that comment. It burnsssss us, it does.

  36. Glossolalia Black Says:

    It’s as if Fabio and Gunther got gay married in Middle Earth and, inexplicably, had a heterosexual baby who grew up to be a playa.

  37. Heather Says:

    the lack of irony is astounding. I watched the whole video waiting for porn or dancing orks or anything remotely piss-taking, but no. This was all so completely serious. plus, no wind machine has been used for so much hair-lifting for decades. centuries, if you will…


  38. Celine Says:

    The scariest thing for me is that Chris looks exactly like my most recent ex. As in, you could superimpose their faces and hair on each other and it would be an exact match.

    My ex always wanted to be the hero of these kinds of stories. He had the biggest messiah complex of anyone I’ve ever known.

    The resemblance is so close that I couldn’t believe Chris Owens wasn’t in fact my former lover—sledding through the snow, exploding ships, fighting in ice vortex palaces, blinding man-nipples, etc.

    Any time anyone ever asks me why I was so depressed after the breakup, I’m just going to send them this video. I dated Chris Owens, and for all his flaws I was hard pressed to let go of such ridiculous good looks.

  39. melponeme_k Says:

    Thank you for both links.

    I will never be the same person I was before watching both of them.

  40. Seth Says:

    Am I supposed to be reminded of Rick Astley? Though this guy’s clearly overdoing it on purpose, whereas Mr. Rick Rolled’s is a more natural sound.

  41. skipwave Says:

    Astounding. Truly astounding. I kept bursting into paroxysms of laughter, then looking round to make sure no one might catch me watching. After the Freaxx video, I felt a twinge of respect for Mr. C.D.O.

    And this following the post about the Dolphin video with Stella Soleil. An old friend used to play in Stella’s band, Sister Soleil. It made me nostalgic for those old shows at the Metro in Chicago and left me pleased to know she’s still at it.

    Due to a complex web of personal connections, my band played after Brokencyde. They were, at once, the easiest and hardest act to follow. Actually, I don’t know which was harder, following them or just sitting through their set.

    I recently saw the documentary/ego-strokefest “All We Are Saying,” which is basically Roseanna Arquette kissing a bunch of rock stars asses. They should all be made to what “Shine On Me” with their eyes calipered open.

    Now back to writing about Oleg Losev and the history of the LED…

  42. Pelianth Says:

    I cannot believe I managed to keep a straight face through most of that…10 minutes later though and I’m still trying to stop laughing. *goes to inflict it upon others*

  43. Vespers Says:

    I love this so hard.

  44. Matt Says:

    Hawk The Slayer: The Song: The Video: Now With Budget.

    And then the world imploded in a horrible fiery cataclysm of overwrought 80s fantasy. And after that video, we were grateful.

  45. KBKarma Says:

    OK… That Freaxxx song? I swear, I nearly had a nosebleed.

    The song you just posted? Wow. Just… wow.

  46. an9ie Says:


    – There is an 11-year-old girl in me going, “SQUEEEEEEE!” If the clips on this were taken from an actual feature film with cheesy dialogue and budget CG, I would willingly rummage down the bottom of the bargain bin, pay my $5 and watch it over and over again.

    – If I were CDO I would have just thrown in the towel and gone off with the three witches. They were HAWT.

    – I have sent the video link to my death metal-loving boyfriend. Will now sit back and wait for the implosion.

  47. Bradley Says:

    The random crocodile in the middle cracked me up more than anything else.

    Dragons! Doctor Doom! A MOTHERFUCKING CROCODILE!

  48. DotC Says:

    I cant add much to the glorious descriptions already posted except: Blue Steel

  49. Ben Morris Says:

    That was pretty damn…something. I’m not sure what.

    Still as far as fantasy gaming inspired music videos I prefer My Barbarian’s Unicorns LA.

  50. Mer Says:

    Is that a crocodile or an alligator?

    My Barbarian is self-aware and trying very, very hard to be ridiculous. They succeed, too. But in my opinion, they ain’t got nothing on earnest, seemingly clueless Sir Owens.

  51. Ben Morris Says:

    Owen’s blithe earnestness is certainly the main thing that makes this video compelling but I balance that against the fact that I much prefer the song in the My Barbarian video. My willingness to laugh at the cheesiness of Owen’s song peters out somewhere around halfway through the video, at that point I am enduring the rest of the song so I can laugh at the rest of the video.

    My Barbarian’s carefully crafted ridiculousness seems self-parodic rather than ironic for whatever that is worth.

    Plus Unicorns LA has sparkly stickers.

  52. Nick Says:

    Oh, how it burns like so many habaneros a day later.

  53. JW Says:

    I haven’t laughed so painfully in years and years. But I couldn’t actually hear the song. I have to figure out how to inflict this on everyone I know.

  54. Hill Rat Says:

    This could easily become the Rick Roll of 2009.

  55. foxtongue Says:

    And yet, through it all, I am most offended by the blatant lifting of the musical hook from Roxy Music’s More Than This.

  56. Zoetica Says:

    I am moved to tears.. by the fact that this albino wunderkind produced a video titled “Sing Like The Stars”. Sweet sweet irony.

  57. Seamyst Says:

    I am totally and completely in love with his cheekbones.

  58. Meridian Says:

    I think somebody’s been watching too much Princess Bride…

  59. fortheloveofthestars Says:

    Is it wrong that I enjoyed this? I mean yea, I got the flaws and what have you, but I want to know the story, and the horrible song was fun too.

    That being said, I am rooting for the Doom-Phantom character already…