Dear Coilhäusers,

I do not have a confession to make. I do not have an abiding and utterly irrational love of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Not at all. Really, I don’t. Anything you may have heard to the contrary is the most vile and vicious slander. Again: I don’t like it. I sure as hell don’t crank up the volume when it comes on the radio. No Sirree. That’s only a repeated, annoying technical malfunction. I also, absolutely, 100% do not sing along in an overly dramatic fashion. Nope. Not me. Uh-uh.

The last thing I don’t do is lie awake at night, fearful that if my (non-existent) secret love of this power ballad came to light it would utterly ruin my reputation and any future rants of mine would be outright dismissed as they came up against the cold, hard brick wall of “Hey, Forbes is obviously wrong. The bastard likes Total Eclipse of the Heart. End of discussion.”

I mean, after all, it’s a terrible song: the gaudiest kind of syrupy ’80s excess. The video is even more awesome worse, so mind-numbingly ornate it provokes long, detailed thematic dissections. It has dancing greasers, sweaty fencers and dashing lads in suits wrecking elaborate dinners. And ninjas, of course, you can’t forget the frickin’ ninjas. Or the flying hive-mind of choir boys with radioactive eyes. Oh yeah, there’s also an angel. Really.

But all is not lost. If there is something I have no shame in adoring, hidden or otherwise, it’s the brilliant kitchen appliance battering, tracksuit-wearing Norwegian band Hurra Torpedo‘s cover of TEotH (my how I love that acronym. It sounds like an invocation to some grand hell-beast! Come, Great TEotH!). Minimalist and silly but surprisingly poignant, Hurra gives a whole new feel to this song-I-so-don’t-like.

See there? Doesn’t banging on kitchen appliances make everything better? Damn f’in right it does!

And I ain’t confessing crap.

“Flowers” – an image from the Edwardian Ball by Eric Gillet

Last weekend, I decided – at the last minute, on a whim – to drive to San Francisco from LA to see my beautiful co-editor Mer play violin and theremin at the Edwardian Ball. The Ball itself was a dream come true; I witnessed Gorey-inspired circus routines, swishing crinolines, and epic handlebar ‘staches. No one was taking themselves seriously at all, and the goofball atmosphere had a rare romance about it.  Well, due to some unfortunate traffic, I missed the chance to see Mer play that night. But I’m in luck, for – again, it seems, at the last minute – it was decided that Mer would be coming down here for the second week of the Edwardian Ball, to LA! Here is the description from the Edwardian Ball site:

The Edwardian Ball Los Angeles – a splendid San Francisco tradition flies south for the winter, presenting an elegant, turn of the century celebration of music, theatre, dance, circus arts, DJs, ballroom dance, fashion, technology, and of course, the art and stories of Edward Gorey.  Held in the historic Tower Theater, and hosted by LA’s own big top phenomenon Cirque Berzerk in partnership with Edwardian Ball co-creators Rosin Coven and Vau de Vire Society, the night promises an unforgettable blend of audience and performance with humor, darkness, and style.  Also featuring Helios Jive, DJ Xian, Jill Tracy, Miz Margo, Dark Garden Corsetry, and many special guests.

One of the first portraits I ever took: Edwardian Ball DJ Miz Margo.

LA readers, you’d better not miss this. It’s the first time that the Edwardian Ball is happening here in LA, and it’s literally a circus blowing through town – one that we should welcome warmly, and in style (read Mer’s article California Carnival Spirit for more on what to expect). It’s also the first time that Zo, Mer and I will be in the same place at the same time since our launch party, and we’ll have Issue 02’s on hand for anyone who wants to check it out. See you there!

Saturday January 31st, 2009
Tower Theater
Doors and show 8:00pm, all ages welcome
$30 general, $75 VIP (includes reserved balcony seating & hosted absinthe bar)

It’s time for another tribute to the greatest photo-sharing experience the Web has to offer, Flickr. This installment does not showcase one of the many talented photographers and artists decking Flickr’s halls with their creations, but a different breed of flickr-er [flickree? flickroo?] – the curator. Flickr user MyVintageVogue uploads hundreds of incredible scans from vintage fashion magazines. These images, dating between the 1920s and 60s, fill me with daily awe of the elegance of old-school photography.

The immaculate make-up and hair, jaw-dropping composition and strict tailoring not only hold up but are excellent examples of Doing It Right. Some of these actually remind me of Nadya’s work, which brings me to another observation: fetish themes. My opinion is colored by years of admiring fetish photography, but just look at this image from Vogue Magazine, 1957!

And how about this Horst P. Horst shoe revelry from 1941?

And there is so much more! Between the impossible silhouettes, futuristic elements and avant-garde designs you’re guaranteed to slip into a trance while browsing this photo-stream. Tread with caution before you click the jump – a bounty of MyVintageVogue eye candy awaits!

Last week I had the dubious pleasure of hosting miss Molly Crabapple for a few days. She’s been gone just 48 hours, yet already I am longing for her presence every time I smell vodka or find long raven locks in my tub [which I am definitely not saving to braid into a tiny Molly-shaped doll]. This young lady gets mention around here with some regularity, and she deserves every bit of it. Founder of Doctor Sketchy’s Anti Art School, illustrator, columnist, and comic book artist, this NYC beauty has the world at her fingertips.

Seizing the rare opportunity of her presence, we attempted a video interview over cocktails. Watch the very, very informal results below – Molly talks about an upcoming European tour, working large-scale and a brand new comic book, Scarlett Takes Manhattan. Please forgive the awkward editing – I’m trying to spare you screeching and inappropriate touching.

Journalism uber alles! Click the jump for other fantastical drawings by Molly, including Marie Claire – one of the beautiful Rococo paper dolls she created for Coilhouse Magazine. The other doll is Monsieur Pierre – her fetching young suitor. Want to see him and their spectacular outfits? You’ll have to get your issue of Coilhouse 2! More can be found on Molly’s website, MollyCrabapple.com

Orlando (5”x5”x4”). Antique brass findings and hardware, leather, velvet, wood, tacks, cast/painted plastic, glass eyes.

Damn you, Hollyweirdos! You get to have all the Joslin fun. *shakes fist* As I write this, the astounding Madame Jessica J. (featured extensively in Coilhouse Issue 01) is over at the Billy Shire Gallery prepping a cavalcade of her Wunderkammer critters for the show’s opening reception tomorrow (Saturday).

Lambert & Salvia (8″x10″x22″) Antique hardware and findings, bone, brass, beads, leather, velvet, trim, coat hook, model cannon, glass eyes.

Trying to picture the Joslin lovebirds mounting a show is always a bit dangerous for me, prompting ardent fantasies of Jessica and Jared donning drum major uniforms and marching their whimsies down the street and through the door in step to a demented chiptune rendition of “76 Trombones” before shooing various characters onto pedestals, canvases and placard hooks. (There’s usually some whip-and-chair action in there as well, but… uh… I digress.)

Anyhoo. Jessica’s been working on these “Clockwork Circus” beasties for months now. They’re as winsomely exquisite as anything she’s crafted yet. If you’re in the area, go get acquainted.

Aster (27”x19.5”x10”) Antique brass findings and hardware, bone, leather, antique vestment trim, velvet, brass bullet casings, chain, silver, snakeskin, glass eyes.

Click below to view a couple more of Jessica Joslin’s “Clockwork” creatures.

[EDIT] Oh! One more thing! I’m sure Jessica wouldn’t mind us mentioning this here… Heads up, Phillyfreaks! If you’re not already all swoony and spent from Laura Kicey’s reception (or even if you are) and you’re feeling piney for something to do tonight (Friday), you probably shouldn’t miss the Mutter Museum “Disco Inferno Dance Party” for ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. What better way to celebrate the museum’s 150th anniversary than some inspired booty-shaking amidst the bones and tumors? Go, go, go!

Mario, a magician, and his assistant, Katie, have a 1920s-themed wedding. Kate wears a headband bought on Etsy. Photos by Daria Bishop. More images here.

In Junior High, our Health class had a unit about “basic adult life skills”: how to pay your bills, how your car works & why you really do need health insurance, despite the fact that you think you’re indestructible. One of the final projects we had that quarter was to budget out $30,000 in one of two ways: it was to be either your funds for one year of single living, or your budget to plan a wedding. The teachers assigned this without irony, and kids took it very seriously: it was not a lesson to show us how excessive the average wedding seems when you consider how else the money could be spent, but a lesson in how a proper American wedding was to be done. I was horrified. Years later, the following passage from The Commitment, Dan Savage’s gay-marriage memoir, summed up my perception of The Great American Wedding perfectly. In the scene below, Savage and his boyfriend Terry find themselves at a wedding expo:

Each and every vendor, from the lowliest florist to the highest-end caterer, was selling the fairy-tale princess wedding, the wedding that almost all straight girls grow up fantasizing about. For the women in the room, this was their one and only chance to be the princess in the Disney movie and they were determined not to fuck it up – and “it” refers to the ceremony and the reception, not the choice of a mate, as divorce rates would seem to indicate. (The wedding industry rakes in billions annually at a time when one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Isn’t it about time some trial lawyers slapped Brides magazine, Vera Wang, and the rest of “big marriage” with a class action lawsuit modeled on the ones filed against big tobacco?)

Back to the boys: As we worked out way up and down the rows of vendors, I caught sight of the same guys again and again. Every time their fiancées or future mothers-in-law looked away, the boys would send out subtle distress signals, like a kidnap victim in a ransom video, blinking messages in Morse code. “Oh my god, what have I done?” As they were dragged from florist to caterer to limo, they looked like pawns. No, it was worse than that: They looked like hostages. No, worse still: they looked like afterthoughts. You don’t need men to have weddings! You need women and their mothers and sisters and their best friends and container ships full of machine-made lace from China and towering ice sculptures and enormous white canvas tents and karaoke machines and stretch Hummer limos and bouquets and chocolate fountains and cover bands and garter belts and veils and trains and engraved champagne glasses and sterling silver cake knives and on and on and on … you need a boy at a wedding like you need a stalk of celery in a Bloody Mary: It looks nice, and it makes things official, but it’s not crucial and probably wouldn’t be missed if you left it out. But a wedding – as currently understood, practiced, and marketed in America – without a bride? Unthinkable.

Clockwise from left: pink-haired bride, casual Arkansas wedding, Lucifire & Dave Tusk’s bright red circus wedding, Han Solo & Leia cake topper

There are, of course, other ways to go, especially this year. More and more people are opting for crafty, creative weddings that either twist around the tired tiara-and-lace tropes, or toss them out altogether. And on the site Offbeat Bride, the Wedding Porn section chronicles the most unusual, inspiring weddings ever to be documented on the web.

These are the weddings of our generation: pixelated 8-bit wedding invites, space helmets, brides as officants, a special category on the blog just for black wedding dresses, a San Francisco bike wedding, and, of course “Wedding! The Musical.” There’s enough love and joy on this site to make you queasy if you’re in a “only stupid people have good relationships” kind of mood, but even then, something on the site will make you smile.  Like these Lego cake toppers, for instance.

We here at Coilhouse are enthusiastic proponents of body mods. Be it through hair, fashion or tattoos, we’re all about the power of transformation! Sandy Paws Grooming Shop feels the same way.

If you’re in California and possess a large curly canine, you can call up Sandy Paws for a transformation of your pets’ very own. A cut, a color and a bit of vision go a long way, as these images prove. Why settle for a pedestrian poodle when you can have a blue peacock? Or, how about a camel, a ninja turtle, or even a dragon?

Don’t let your furry friends protest! After all – what do they know about beauty? Here is their chance to transcend their earthly shell and be born anew. This is no time for reservation, so don’t be shy. Let your fantasy run wild and they’ll thank you in the end. ..Right? You decide, while you check out some of my other favorites under the jump.

Mer is incapacitated this morning from too much music-making, so it’s fallen to me to deliver you this segment of Better Than Coffee in her stead. What’s going on in the clip above has been described by photographer and Issue 01 contributor Clayton James Cubitt in the following terms: “Champagne, Wii Fit, Love, Cold NYC Nights, Nerds. In no particular order.” Looking at the clip, I recognize a few faces: Siege himself, his muse KT, Molly Crabapple, Ellen Stagg… the clip may be full of talented hotties, but its true beauty is the dizzy, dorky exuberance. Siege may be a brilliant photographer, but as this clip demonstrates, his video-editing prowess is not to be denied.

They say that how you spend your New Year’s Eve is how the rest of your year will go, and if that’s true, it looks like the folks in this clip are set. Has this belief held true for you? How did you spend your last night of 2008?

Just a quick goodbye air kiss to glamourpuss Eartha Kitt, who passed away today at the age of 81. It’s nice to picture her sitting on some sparkling, inter-dimensional yacht this evening, having scintillating conversation over moon martinis with Harold Pinter. Bye bye, beautiful. You always were my favorite Catwoman.

Here’s Kitt’s decidedly materialistic rendition of “Santa Baby” to send us off to dreamland. Mmrrrrrowl.

Behold! Your first peek at the cover of Coilhouse, Issue 02. Click here for a larger version, shot by staff photographer Allan Amato. Mark your calendars for this Friday, December 26th; that’s when the magazine goes on sale on this site.

As guessed by reader Thews in a recent comment, our Issue 02 cover features the strong, seductive, smoldering Selene Luna, a 3″10 comedienne/performer who first took the world by storm as part of Velvet Hammer, the troupe that helped bring about the neo-burlesque revival. Selene writes and performs her own material onstage; one of her most notorious and confrontational burlesque acts has Selene rolling onstage in a vintage baby pram and emerging in stockings and garters, a lit cigar between her teeth. In regards to the performance, Selene Luna recently told Ministry Burlesque:

I was inspired by silent movies. I was doing a lot of research for my one-woman show focusing on the history of little people in show biz. During the silent movie era little people were employed in films a lot more than they are now because you could be more politically incorrect. In some films they’d have a little person dressed as a baby portraying a burglar or jewel thief in a wacky Keystone Cop type of thing. The ongoing theme in these movies, which were cranked out like crazy, was that a little person would team up with an average size lady, they’d pretend he was her baby and he’d be smoking a cigar. Those bits cracked me up. So that burlesque number was my play on that. I come out of the carriage with the cigar. I really wanted to tap into that aesthetic. It’s my tribute to little people’s contribution to films.

For Issue 02, Selene granted us an in-person interview that was powerful, vulnerable and humbling. She discussed her immigration experience, family, friendships, collaborations and future plans.

Beyond our cover ladies, Margaret and Selene, lies a glorious treasure trove of juicy content yet to be divulged! Issue 02 contains art, fashion, technology, music, history, geography and more. Make sure you’re here on Friday for the full reveal!