If you aren’t regularly perusing archive.org‘s ever-expanding selection of 78rpm recordings, you’re missing out, friend. It’s a treasure trove of vintage delicacies you’d be hard-pressed to find anywhere else. Their Paul Robeson collection alone is enough to send one into fits of rapture. And it’s all public domain, so you can download mp3s to your heart’s content, completely guilt free.

Nevertheless, something tells me you’ve been bad, very bad, this week, so here’s a cheeky little ditty from 1917 to usher in your weekend:

Download “Naughty, Naughty, Naughty” by Dan W. Quinn

I’m worried, I’m worried, thinking about you
and here’s the reason why
Its all on account of the things that you do
You know you’re naughty and I know it, too
You made me love you right from the start
Why do you play with my heart?

(Image from vintagespank.com.)

Naughty, naughty, naughty.
Can’t you be good? Can’t you be good?
Things you do just set me wild
Still you’re daddy’s angel child
If you keep on worrying me
I’m going to take you right across my knee
Because you’re naughty, naughty, oh so naughty
Just a naughty baby to me

With a grateful pat on the petudie to DJ Dead Billy for the mp3 link.

Are you sick of being victimized by the overly confident and spoiled women of America?

Are you intrigued by the exotic yet vulnerable women of Eastern Europe?

Do you want to feel like a Big Powerful Savior Daddy-Man?

If you answered “yes” to one of more of the above you are part of a growing demographic. A demographic that’s ever-expanding, cheerfully bubbling to the surface of the internet like a pot of boiling baby feces. Yes, legions of xenophiles are uniting in one common goal – to meet and wed a Russian Woman – the perfect blend of dignity and modesty wrapped up nicely in a blanket of historical misfortune. And they’re doing it on Russian Women: The Real Truth.

Here you are led by the brave American-born blog admin through the finer points of kindling Russian romance on the Web. He unveils the complex secrets of the Russian woman’s psyche, the way brute Russian men treat the ladies as a commodity and insightful tips on avoiding the scams of “mail order bride services”. How does he know so much about Russia, you might be wondering to yourselves. Well, that’s because he lives there now! Yes, living in Russia has granted him unique access to Russian intricacies the rest of you non-Russians aren’t privy to. Just look at the way he describes his inspiration behind the blog:

“Russian women are like heroic characters because they are always dealing with dirty situations and environments but somehow they still manage to stay beautiful and out of trouble. I am like most Americans in that I love a good underdog story where the hero faces incredible odds but still comes out as the champion. This is a labor of love because it is an opportunity to bring the true story of these women into the light.This is especially important since their own modesty would never allow them to do it themselves…Russian women are looking for manly leaders who have a clear direction and purpose in life and from a historical and survival perspective this makes a great deal of sense”.

Too many good things going on in this picture not to post! A tea-colored composition of all my favorite fashion things: ruffs, rosettes, oriental-style hair, intricate sleeves and medical crosses, drawn by Christine. Hot! I must say that I’m not crazy about the striped stockings here. Maybe if they were transluscent and had that same tea color as the rest of the outfit, it would work better. As of now, they look like they were bought on Ebay, if that’s possible to tell from a drawing. Overall I find this picture delicious to look at, even though it might not be Christiane’s best work from a technical standpoint.

I would love to see the same fashion concepts executed as straight-up linework with a more fluid composition, along the lines of this amputastic masterpiece that Christiane completed in 2005:

Passions ignite at The Crucible foundry in Oakland, CA.

Down by the West Oakland Bart station, often late into the night, one may observe mysterious flickering lights accompanied by loud explosions. If it ain’t gunshots, you can be sure some welder, sculptor or pyrotechnics whiz at the Crucible foundry is burning the midnight oil.

Founded by Michael Sturtz in 1999, this nonprofit educational hub of fine and industrial arts has attracted a highly motivated group of artists, artisans and students from all over the country. “From cast iron to neon, and from large-scale public art to the most precise kinetic sculpture, The Crucible is fast becoming the best-equipped public industry & arts education facility on the West Coast.”

Ballet star Tina Bohnstedt cruises in a vintage Pontiac (Firebird, natch).
Photo by Gary Wilson

Last year, audiences were astounded by the collective’s incendiary production of Romeo and Juliet. Their second annual “benefit fire ballet”, a decidedly ballsy interpretation Stravinsky’s Firebird, opens tonight:

[A] unique fusion of classical ballet, aerialists, acrobats, fire performers, break dancers…paired with fire and industrial arts. It’s definitely ballet with an industrial edge provided by Crucible artisans, a cameo appearance by a Pontiac Firebird, and a ballerina’s graceful pas-de-deux with a motorcycle stunt rider.

The production’s running every night through the 12th, with additional shows on the 16th, 17th and 19th. Proceeds from ticket sales will go directly towards supporting the Crucible school. All shows are expected to sell out, so if you’re thinking of going (and I know folks as far away as San Diego and Portland are making the trip) get your tickets in advance.

• official Crucible website
• Oakland Tribune article about Michael Sturtz & co
• “All Fired Up” Crucible feature in SFGate

Parody! It’s frowned upon and revered in equal parts by comedians and comedy enthusiasts worldwide. Ubercoolische was a site that poked light-hearted fun at a few real-life electronic musicians, the popularity of Berlin-bound migration and over-use of the word “minimal”. It was sparked by this amusing Metrotimes article about the Berlin scene which I suggest you read before proceeding.

Picture by Wouter Smit

The cast of Ubercoolische is as follows: Richie Hawtin a.k.a. Plastikman, Ricardo Villalobos of multiple minimal techno projects, and Magda – DJ whose MySpace name is, yes, Minimagda. Whether you’re in the electronic scene or not, surely you’ll appreciate the hilarity of this once-meme. While ubercoolische.com is down these days achrive.org comes through once again. Though their server appears a bit spotty you can read all of the installments here. And if you really love it, T-shirts are still available.

They say that you can never truly see yourself; not in mirrors, or photos, or windows, or water. All you see is a flat reflection. You go through life with only an idea of how other people see you in the three dimensions, always one step removed from every true angle. Unless you’re (un)-lucky enough to have a twin – “the creepy kind,” as one of my friends with a non-creepy, fraternal twin brother would put it. From mythical manifestations as partners-in-crime who finish each others’ sentences to polar opposites who seek to annihilate each other, the concept of twins has always enthralled and horrified the human race.

Photographer Janieta Eyre doesn’t have a twin sister, so she decided to make one for herself. Are the self-portraits a manifestation of her desire to see herself in more dimensions, act out a wish to have a twin or explore the creepiness of having one? Another interpretation is that the pictures are about choice, the aching wish that we all sometimes have to be able to make two choices simultaneously at one moment in time.

• Janieta Eyre Official Site
• Janieta Eyre exhibition next weekend in Toronto

Oh yeah, so Anachronaut gave me this for my birthday:

According to this Brief History of Sex Toys:

“Developed by an American physician, George Taylor, M.D., it was a large, cumbersome, steam-powered apparatus. Taylor recommended it for treatment of an illness known at the time as “female hysteria.” Hysteria, from the Greek for “suffering uterus,” involved anxiety, irritability, sexual fantasies, “pelvic heaviness” and “excessive” vaginal lubrication — in other words, sexual arousal. However, since it was the Victorian era, women were not considered to be at all sexual and it was therefore deemed a disease. Physicians of that era treated hysteria by massaging sufferers’ vulvas until they experienced dramatic relief through “paroxysm” (orgasm). Unfortunately, hysteria was a recurrent condition and repeated treatment was often necessary. Taylor touted his steam-driven massage device as speeding treatment while reducing physician fatigue.”

Does anyone know where this image actually came from? It’s been around for years. Of course it would be awesome if this were a real artifact from the 19th century, though I somehow doubt it. Someone told me once that it’s actually a scan from an old issue of a men’s magazine (Esquire, maybe?), and that this was a humorous illustrative prop for an article on the history of vibrators. If that’s the case, then whoever designed this masterpiece was ahead of their time. Or backwards in time, only on another timeline. Or whatever.

Merlin Mann is a journalist, doctor programmer and the guy behind 43folders.com among other things, but today he adds another bullet point to the list by offering some in-depth advice on how to keep it real, Steam-style. You think your gear is genuine? This video might make you re-consider. Without further ado I give you Merlin Mann in Steampunk DIY. Thanks for making me spill my coffee, Molly!

Yeah. Hurray for “alternative beauty.” Photo by Mojokiss.

Catwalk Tragedy 4, the East Coast’s biggest “alternative beauty pageant,” took place in Philly last weekend. Having been to the first Catwalk Tragedy, which was the closest I’ve ever seen my beloved goth scene morph into a drunken frat party in a trailer park on Mardi Gras weekend, I was curious how this larger-scale endeavor would play out. With more of everything – sponsors, judges, contestants – would it be a be a creative talent show or an even bigger sleazefest?

The judges this time were a respectable and diverse bunch, which gave me hope: my friends Kambriel, Apnea and Philip (Lithium Picnic) were on the panel, as well as two individuals less known to me; Jayla Rubinelli from America’s Next Top Model and Joey Martini, a burlesque emcee/performer.

Kambriel: “I think Joey’s face pretty much says it all with whatever was going on in that moment!”

With such a mix of judges I hoped that the event would be more classy this year, but alas! This year, it was the contestants dropped the ball. A belly dancer Tempest tells it:

The competition was set up boys and girls – meaning each gender had it’s own category. The contestants were given a top from one of the sponsors to alter as they wish, as long as the logo was intact. There was somewhat of a slut factor involved in the presentation of some of the girls, but I didn’t think much of it. Short micro-mini’s are rampant (or were, they seem to be going out from the latest batch of Gothic trends), but it was mainly a lot of boob gesturing, but hey, if you got ‘em, flaunt ‘em right? The boys were more tame in general. Both groups seem rather inexperienced with the concept of modeling, especially with walking, but hey, competitions can be nerve-wracking right?

The third round was freestyle – the model’s own choosing and to really show off their stuff. It was here that my brain had nothing short of a minor meltdown. Out of perhaps 20 girls, no more than 3 didn’t do something akin to stripper routine, and even then, they were borderline. Again, I don’t have anything against strippers, and I love burlesque, but this wasn’t burlesque, and I’m sure better strip shows could be had at the Foxy Lady’s “Legs & Eggs” morning strip events. (New Englanders everywhere just cringed massively.) Apparently “crowd reaction” was a judging category for this round, and the great majority figured that the best way to do this was to strip. After the first few, it was “oh look, another set of boobs and pasties” again and again. I was surrounded by male colleagues and they weren’t impressed in the least (and yes, they were mostly straight). I wondered what the boys would do…

The boy’s third round was a much different story. Yeap, there were a few strip routines in there, but the majority of them danced and really showed off their moves, their agility, and their PERSONALITY…mainly, it was a reversal of the girls’ round.

Oh, Philly girls. How you disappoint! Unless you were all from Jersey, in which case I understand. But the story has a happy ending. “In the end,” Tempest writes, “the winners were the ones who showed personality and really showed off the clothes in how they presented themselves (and for the most part, kept their clothes on.)” Kudos to the judges for making that call. And don’t get me wrong; you know we love hot girls in corsets! It’s just when those crucial ingredients of creativity and ownership are missing that it becomes a little sad.

To end this on a light note, here is a video of male stripping from Catwalk Tragedy that made me want to laugh and weep at the same time.

Two images by photographer Janieta Eyre, featured at [FAT]

If you’re in Toronto, check out [FAT], or Toronto Alternative Arts & Fashion Week. The annual festival, which takes place from April 8 to April 11 this year, combines art, fashion, photography and performance. From their website:

Toronto Alternative Arts & Fashion Week is a multi-arts festival with a mandate of showcasing artistic disciplines rooted in fashion, and their exploration of the human body in today’s time. The festival aims to emphasize this mandate through the artistic disciplines of fashion design, photography, installation, video, performance, music and dance, in an effort to push forward and redefine our perception of the fashion phenomenon. When presented jointly, the underestimated social force of fashion is showcased, redefining its role in contemporary Canadian society as not only an economic colossus, but also as an engineer of social practices and vehicle for personal expression. The Toronto Alternative Arts & Fashion Week intends to introduce a broader audience to these related creative fields, building public interest while simultaneously creating a forum where artists can learn from and collaborated with each other.

Photographer Anna Ross and fashion label Plastik Wrap.

[FAT] Official Website