Good morning, children! Ready for your breakfast cake? You better be, because here in the cave that’s just the way we celebrate a proper Saturday morning. And once your teeth have really begun to grind from the sugar rush, might we interest you in a bit of song and dance? Yes, it’s time for the Hokey Morning Song with Kimba and friends on Kimba’s Cave. Don’t be alarmed, sit back and relax – this show’s for everyone, just like the lyrics say. A word of warning, though: don’t piss Kimba off or he might just get skimpy with the fluffcake.

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Hmm, that song sure had some strange notes.. And doesn’t Kimba look just a bit familiar? Click below for the big reveal that will have you regurgitating fluffcake for hours. With laughter, I mean.

In a stroke of pure demented genius Kacper Hamilton has created a set of cups inspired by the Seven Deadly Sins.

These red wine glasses are based on the 7 deadly sins. Each glass encapsulates a sin, which is revealed through the ritual of drinking. The ‘7 Deadly Glasses’ are about celebrating passion and encouraging the user to be sinful in a theatrical fashion.

From their English laboratories straight to your chateau, these delightfully hedonistic goblets are made to order. Browse the entire set, below.

Too much is not enough for you, sir! You’ll gulp and slurp like a filthy pig while attempting to suck out the very last drops from the cup of Greed.

You enemies will truly feel your Wrath as you jab their jugular with this perilous object, then drink their sweet blood while they fight for a final breath.

Yesterday, one of my favorite blogs, Sociological Images, picked apart amputee alt model Viktoria‘s appearance in Bizarre Magazine:

What makes Viktoria “bizarre”? Is it her amputated leg? Is it the fact that she has an amputated leg and is still incredibly sexy? Or is it that she has an amputated leg and still considers herself a sexual person? Is this empowering? And to who? Surely the disabled are desexualized in this country, so it’s nice to see that challenged even, I suppose, in a magazine about weirdos. And yet, I suspect her sexuality is acceptable, fetishizable, only because she conforms to expectations of feminine beauty. In the big scheme of things, does she reproduce the standard of beauty, unattainable for most women, that crushes women’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth? And will disabled women, most of whom (like most non-disabled women) could never dream of being so beautiful, actually look at her and be able to identify? Or will this just draw attention to another way in which they don’t match up?

Now really, I think that SocImages went a little overboard with Viktoria (especially when they dismissed her comments about sexuality as “standard porn star talk”). Maybe it’s because I know her little better than they do, but I think that they oversimplify the genuine place that she comes from in choosing to be a model. However, they do bring up an important discussion that’s been nagging me for some time. What is an alternative model, and what is an alt model’s role in visual culture? In my life, at various points, I came up with 3 different definitions. I believe in each of them, and I have a problem with each of them as well. Here they are below. Which one resonates with you? Do you think it’s a combination of the three below, or something completely different? Opinions, please.

1. The model who challenges society’s notions of beauty.

L: Kenyan-born trans model Biko Beauttah R: Velvet D’Amour

I love these models, but the issue here is that, while they appear to push the boundaries of beauty in some direction, they usually wind up brutally reinforcing another traditional notion in the process. For example, trans models make us rethink gender/beauty, but with their self-presentation they usually reinforce the ideal of a sleek, hairless feminine figure, thus fueling the hair-removal industry. In fact, epilator-manufacturer Philips Norelco has already found a way to to capitalize on this to great effect – just watch this ad. And large models like Velvet D’Amour and skinny-by-comparison but still-considered-plus-size recent ANTM winner Whitney Thompson help to redefine weight in modeling, but what makes them “legitimately beautiful” in the eyes of the mainstream world is their “correct” bone structure, their blond hair. Without some “redeeming quality” of this sort, the world doesn’t recognize them as models, and wouldn’t even give them a shot at making a difference. Mainstream media often presents them as beautiful “in spite of,” not “because of.” While their individual messages are empowering (I love Velvet’s interviews), I don’t find our culture’s use of these models empowering at all.

Sophie Lancaster memorial at WGW. Picture by Tania Taylor.

Two teenagers aged 15 and 16 were sentenced to life in prison yesterday for the murder of Sophie Lancaster, age 20, last summer in Bacup, England. The teenagers, along with three others who received shorter sentences, singled out Lancaster and her boyfriend Robert Maltby for the way they dressed. They initially attacked Maltby, but turned their aggression on Lancaster as she tried to protect him. The gang “punched, stamped and jumped” on Maltby and Lancaster’s heads until both were unconscious. Robert Maltby survived, and Sophie Lancaster died a few days later.

Sophie, Robert, and the two principal attackers

I’ve been following this story ever since it broke, and its tragedy really hits me with the following 5 quotes:

“Shall we batter him?” – One of the attackers, right before the attack began

“I’m not going to get done for reporting this am I? Because all the Bacup lot will hate me because I’ve reported it.” – Girl who called the police to report the incident

“At least wild animals, when they hunt in packs, have a legitimate reason for so doing, to obtain food. You have none and your behaviour on that night degrades humanity itself.” – Judge Anthony Russell QC, passing the sentence

“I really just like to think I’m now only eight-months-old. I’m finding the whole world a terrifying place.” – Robert Maltby, who has no memory of the incident

“Justice can never be done because it will never bring her back.” – Sophie’s mother

Photos by Veronica Brak

My parents complained the other day because they actually visited the blog and thought that Mr. Pearl was “a scary man.” Mom and dad, no. This is what a scary man looks like!

Readers may remember the face above from BoingBoing, November 2007. Turns out his name is Zombie and that since his last appearance on the web, he’s gotten even more decrepit flesh inked into his dermis, including an exposed brain at the top of his skull. For the first time ever, he speaks! Here are some choice bites from a hilarious interview with BME:

BME: You’re kind of an internet celebrity — what do you think about it?
Zombie: Not much, I don’t even own a computer. So fuck you assholes.

BME: Facial tattoos are a big step from “regular” tattoo placement. How long had you thought it through before you started your facial tattoos?
Zombie: Never really had to think about it… I’ve been white trash my whole life…

BME: Are you single?
Zombie: Yes… Very single… I’m not very dependable… Girls cut into beer time.

BME: What did you family think about your transformation?
Zombie: My mom told me, “You started it, you better finish it.”

His mom’s right. Also, I think he’s kinda cute! Ladies, what say you?

Big thanks to clockorange for the tip.

BME Interview with Zombie

From the made-for-TV anthology, Spine Chillers, comes this short comedy Goths, starring Mackenzie Crook (The Office) and Mark Heap (Jam, Big Train). Our pathetic heroes, struggling to find a flat in London, think they’ve finally found the perfect gaff from the perfect landlord, when they discover they may have bought into more than they’ve bargained for:

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• Part 2
• Part 3
• Part 4

You may recognize the pub in the first scene as being that of the iconic Devonshire Arms; you can even spot some of their current staff in amongst the punters.

Spoiled, by Linda Berkvist. See the close-up details here.

For the most part, CG art’s not really my thing. I love the surface of paper, the texture of layered paint. There are many techniques to fake this on the computer, but in the end, most CG art still feels a bit sterile and dead-eyed to me. But there are some masters whose digital paintings truly live and breathe; one such artist is Linda Bergkvist, known online as Enayla.

From cyberpunk landscapes to enchanted woods, there’s a story being told by every sensuous detail in Bergkvist’s paintings. Some characters look so compelling that I wish there was more than just one painting; that there was a book, movie or comic where I could get to know them better. I wonder how much of a backstory Berkgvist creates as she paints.

Equally as fascinating as the images are the generous tutorials on Bergkvist’s site. She shares her secrets on how to paint eyes, how to mix skintones, how to create hair texture, and how to make brushes, and more. Even for someone who doesn’t paint, it’s interesting to see her paintings in unfinished form as she explains their completion step by step.

Bottom: “On Saturdays.” Top: Details from “Rëzay” and “Is this what we’re coming to?”

Bergkvist has recently revisited the “analog world” to create some stunning masks in papier mache, which she models on this page. More of my favorite images after the jump!

• Furiae – Linda Bergkvist’s Website
• Enayla on DeviantArt
• Linda Bergvist’s Wikipedia Entry

Esteemed reader Tanya Vrodova says, “I love cabbage. I will do anything to spread the word about how awesome cabbage is.” To that end, she just introduced me to Chinese multidisciplinary artist Han Bing and his mischievous Walking the Cabbage (2000-2007) series.

Walking the Cabbage in the Subway Beijing, 2004 © Han Bing

Born in 1974 in an poverty-stricken village, Han Bing spent his childhood helping his parents farm the land and was the only student in his class afforded the chance to attend university. There he studied oil painting before moving on to less conventional mediums. His post-university work has focused on creating spontaneous, open-ended discourse that includes members of society who are often excluded or dismissed. He, like many other young Chinese artist, seems compelled to confront the dubious side effects of his nation’s obsession with urbanizing and modernizing at whatever cost.

From Bing’s website:

Walking the Cabbage (2000-2007) series of social intervention performance, video and photography works, Han Bing walks a Chinese cabbage on a leash in public places, inverting an ordinary practice to provoke debate and critical thinking. Walking the Cabbage is a playful twist on a serious subject—the way our everyday practices serve to constitute “normalcy” and our identities are often constituted by the act of claiming objects as our possessions. A quintessentially Chinese symbol of sustenance and comfort for poor Chinese turned upside down, Han Bing’s cabbage on a leash offers a visual interrogation of contemporary social values.

The Cabbage Walking Tribe in Harajuku I, Tokyo, Japan 2006 © Han Bing

Check out these awesome gloves! Another brilliant find by our friends at Her Modesty. The website, GlovedUp.com, is like a SockDreams for your arms in terms of eye candy. Lots of great fashion images in the gallery. Alas, it’s all way overpriced.

WEST YORKSHIRE, England – Tasha wears a collar with a leash that her fiance Dani holds when they are out walking together. For this reason, a bus driver has denied them service, saying “no dogs allowed” – and allegedly pushed them off the bus.

It’s ironic that same land that gave us Siouxsie and Fat Bob is now one of the most dangerous, discriminatory European places for goths to inhabit. Last year, 20-year-old goth girl Sophie Lancaster was beaten to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, wearing the wrong clothes. A goth guy collecting charity while dressed as Nosferatu was violently beaten by a group of up to seven, his prosthetic ears ripped off. These attacks, perpetuated by yobs and/or chavs, are one thing, but this kind of treatment by a public servant is something else entirely.

The story was covered by The Daily Mail, England’s more conservative, right-wing newspaper. Some of the reader comments are rather hilarious. Here are my top 3 favorites, for various reasons:

He looks like a work-shy scrounger to me, get a job and pay your way.
– Harry Basset, Whitby

Never mind walking the dog – with a figure like Tasha’s she’ll soon be on the catwalk.
– Sarah, Belgium

If he was a gentleman goth, he would loan her his coat.
– John, United Kingdom

Though I’m 100% with them, the couple gets points taken off for giving stupid quotes to the media. Don’t say “I am a pet” to a reporter for a mainstream news outlet. Just don’t. (Thanks, Catwalk Ghost!)