It’s a big day for Coilhouse! In addition to the new stickers, today we are also premiering the new shirts, featuring our original poster girl, the Stratosphere Messenger. Here are a couple of pics. More will be posted to the store, along with details and sizing charts. Below is Zoetica and above is photographer Lou O’Bedlam, who also appears inside Issue 03.

Our next post on this blog will be it. The one that you’ve all been waiting for. The one that we’ve been waiting to post for many months now. With our next post, our shop will officially open, and you will come face-to-face with Issue 03!

In the next hour or so, here we are going to reveal the contents of Issue 03 and put it on sale in our shop (along with new shirt designs and stickers). Stay tuned!

To tide you over while we put our finishing touches on the big Issue 03 post, order here are the two new stickers up for grabs. These premium contoured vinyl stickers are water-resistant, printed with a UV finish and will last you 20 years. They cost $3.99, but the first 5 people who order Issue 03 will receive a sticker of their choice for free! (Update: congrats Matthew, Ruth, Nickolas, Charlotte and Jason!)

More pictures of the 2 stickers designs after the jump.

Journey by Egil Paulsen

Like any other job, there are downsides to being employed at the Catacombs. The company health insurance does not cover dental, for example. Also, parking is sparse. There are also more idiosyncratic deficiencies and policies, like the recent memo I received from Zoe which informed the staff that olives would no longer be allowed on the premises. Still, for every omission or strange and drug-addled edict, there is a perk. Our co-pay is almost criminally low and the break room is always fully stocked. The company also works with other local businesses to get discounts for employees, like 10% off electrolysis (Thanks, Dave!).

Certainly the best perks though, are the company vehicles. Not only are they immaculate and well-kept, they are also available for employee use. It’s comforting to know that should the grind of panning through the silt of the web for that tell-tale sparkle become too much, one can call down to M.E.R. to have their office unlocked and sign out the company balloon for an hour. After being escorted to the roof there it will be, the cranium full and bobbing gently over the basket. Then, it’s just a matter of dropping some of the eyes and you’re on your way. Just you, your armed guard, and the endless gray vista.

Issue 03 arrived today! We’re still too giddy to write up a proper post describing the issue, so for now, we’re just showing off the cover, photographed by the talented Gustavo Lopez Mañas. Part of a haunting series called Avatars, this image was shot exclusively for Issue 03. Behind the jump, a couple more images from this 8-page series. Watch the blog carefully this week – very soon, we’ll be unveiling the rest of Issue 03’s content, the day it goes on sale, and what other goodies (new shirt design! stickers!) we have for you.

Our third issue took us further down the spiral of paper-fetish addiction; we upgraded the thickness of both the cover paper and the paper inside. This time we went with a heavy gloss for the cover and experimented with embossing for the title. Many more facts about Issue 03 are yet to come!

Believe me when I say that my admission into the inner halls of Coilhouse has been rife with surprises. Between discovering that Nadya had a wooden leg (lost to Latvian leg thieves, apparently, although I have a feeling this is a lie) and finding that the Panda bone office furniture was an elaborate lie to entice me to relocate to the catacombs, my illusions have been shattered. Still, sitting here at my plain, pressed wood desk, nary an Ursine skull or femur in sight, I can say that these pale in comparison to the true nature of Meredith Yayanos. Revealing it here will no doubt put a swift end to my employment and, unfortunately, mean that I will be on the run for some time; for this is no tiny secret, dear reader. Many have died so that Mer’s true nature would remain known to only a small circle of powerful insiders. But I can’t think about that. My life is nothing in comparison to my service to humanity. The world has to know!

Folks, this is one final reminder that our closing date for all small-business ads in Issue 03 is this Friday, June 12th. We’re currently up to 18 advertisers – looking for a full 24 so that we can fill up 2 pages. The people who’ve responded so far have been amazing; we have a dollmaker, a gal who makes monster masks, a crafter of Victorian-inspired leather spats, a clothing collection inspired by Edgar Allen Poe, a lowbrow art gallery, and many more.

For those of you hearing about this opportunity for the first time, check out last week’s post about our Small Business Advertising Program. We must receive your ad by Friday if you want to participate. If interested, please email us ASAP. Thank you!

Many of you have asked if Coilhouse Magazine would ever open up its doors to small, independent advertisers. Up until this point, we’ve only been able to offer full-page ads to larger companies like Fluevog and Dr. Martens, and very successful indie outfits such as Plastik Wrap and Wildilocks, making it difficult for smaller advertisers (Etsy sellers, comic publishers, music labels, etc.) to reach our audience.

We heard your requests, and we’re excited to present a new way for small businesses to advertise in Coilhouse: a stylish, NotCot-inspired format, similar to what you see above (see it in high-res PDF here). The idea is simple: each advertiser gets one photo, one title, one URL, and a couple of lines of description text. You don’t need to have any graphic design skills, and your business will be presented attractively within our pages.

Print advertising can get pretty expensive. A one-time, full-page ad in Nylon cost $21,638 in 2008. A similar page in Inked will cost you $14,323. Although a full page in Coilhouse is very affordable by comparison (at $1,500), it’s still outside the reach of many smaller businesses, who are oftentimes the most relevant to our audience. It is for you guys that we created this new format, which runs $99-149 per issue, per spot.

We’re offering this new format as of Issue 03, and the closing date for accepting ads is Friday, June 12th. If you’re interested, please drop us a line. Ads will be accepted on a first-come, first-serve basis, and spots are limited.

After the jump, a FAQ regarding this new format.

…aaaaand, that’s it. They’re gone, folks. Issue 02 is no longer available for sale on this site. Many thanks to everybody who bought an issue at the last minute.

For those of you who just missed it, our friend Cassandra at Wildilocks in Australia is selling 6 copies of Issue 02 and 6 copies of the coveted, limited-edition Issue 01! Cass originally bought these from us at retail price when they came out, pretty much just to support us. Thank you, Cass!

Help us clear room for Issue 03! Out of 1,000 copies of Issue 02 that we had up for sale, there are only 30 left. These will be on sale for another week (or less, if they sell out faster), and then Issue 02 will officially be sold out forever. Many of you have asked if we’re ever going to reprint our issues. We don’t really have an answer to that, except to say that if it does happen, it probably won’t be for another few years, if ever. So get it now, before it’s gone! Click here to buy Coilhouse Issue 02. Thank you for everyone’s support thusfar.

UPDATE: THEY’RE GONE! Woo hoo. Thank you, everyone.

Later this week on Coilhouse, we’ll be posting a Very Special Interview with one of our all-time favorite bloggers: Ross Rosenberg of ECTOPLASMOSIS! fame. If you’re unfamiliar with this man’s writing, proceed to ECTOMO immediately and read EVERYTHING that Ross – along with his wily co-editors – has posted there. We promise you, nothing will ever be the same. Ever. Again. For the abyss gazes also into you.

Here are some topics that Ross enjoys writing about:

• Moustache Monday: True Love
• Rockin’ The Dog Sack
• Do You Know Your Children Are Smoking Smarties?
• Great Moments In Masochism: The Petaminx
• Department Store Fossils
  
• The Art (And Craft) Of The Vulva
• The Inventiveness Of Failure
• Robot, Made Up

Ross’s keen command of the English language, coupled with his mystifying ability to flush esoterica out of the grimiest and most cryptic corners of the web, has landed him in our RSS readers from day one. How does he do it? The full interview is still to come, but for now, the exalted 23rd level Chaotic Neutral Blogmaster is ready to divulge his secrets for success to future generations:

What advice would you give to aspiring bloggers?

1)     Respect: When starting out it’s hard to get noticed. Just like in prison, it pays to find the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the room and go at them full steam. Nothing gets attention like pointing out Perez Hilton’s grammar mistakes or a long opinion piece on how you could take Xeni Jardin in a knife fight.

2)     Choose your words carefully: Polysyllabic words are for pussies and Fascists. Keep it short, sweet, and guttural. Also, using the British spelling of any word will ensure that you’ll never get anywhere and people will make fun of you behind your back.

3)     Lists, lists, lists: Everything you write should be in the form of a list, whether it be the top ten things you smelled on Thursday or the top five tips for aspiring bloggers.

4)    Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you: Blogging is a dog-eat-dog business (see #1), consequently everyone is a potential threat, so do your best to take care of them early whether it be character assassination or just giving really bad advice.

5)     Blockquote: This is a big one. Why write something when someone else has written it for you? Just blockquote a big old chunk of text and add a one line introduction followed by a one or two line opinion at the end.  Even better, ask your readers to comment and give you even more content! “Warren Ellis wrote an interesting article about ferret juicing today:” Blockquote everything but the last paragraph. “It all sounds good, but I’m not sure everyone has access to a cider press. What do you use to juice your ferrets?”

Bonus:  Boobs: Seriously, no matter what the subject matter is, stick some tits in there. Everybody loves tits.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Rosenberg Knows Things About Stuff, wherein the question of “boxers or briefs?” and other impenetrable mysteries of Rossness are finally answered.