A Fruity Bonne Bell-Flavored Mega Queef from 1984

California-born dancer/singer Heather Parisi isn’t a household name in the US, but some of our Mediterranean readers might recognize her. Back in the late 70s, an Italian producer discovered the flexible 19-year-old sunning on a beach in Rimini. Parisi was set up with the best thrustiest jazz choreographer liras could buy, pimped out in one seriously bedazzlicious wardrobe, and became an Italian TV pop sensation overnight.

There are so many transcendentally Stupid/Awesome aspects to this video for her song “Crilù”, it’s hard to know where to start. Just… enjoy.

Gyrations atop a giant Rubik’s cube? Check. Uber groiny, hardbodied ballet dancers in metallic bowler shoes? Check. Intimated BJ three-way with male Moschino models? Check. Glittering Mickey Mouse butt cleavage? OKAY NOW THAT’S JUST GOING TOO FAR.

Clip via DJ Dead Billy, thanks. More Parisi videos after the jump. Additionally, if you appreciate this level of Stupid/Awesome 80s kitsch, you may also like:

Rockin’ The Music Vest

Look, ye, upon the 80s wonder that was the Music Vest. Take in its gorgeous exterior, available in metallic silver or jet black. Let your eyes trace the fine, angular, Flash Gordan-esque lines. The next step in personal audio entertainment; marvel at its water proof speaker technology which facilitates musical enjoyment in any situation whether it be jogging, fishing, or simply break-dancing in your parents’s driveway in Secaucus.

Obviously the result of many hundreds of dollars of research and development and worn by one entire family, the Music Vest represents the ultimate in auditory rape. There was a time that the only way to forcibly expose the unwilling public to your own, personal soundtrack was to carry a heavy boombox. This led to shoulder strain; also, it made you look like a tool. Not so with the Music Vest. The Music Vest is light, slimming, and stylish and leaves both your hands free to receive high fives. Imagine looks you’ll get when you emerge from your DeLorean, swathed in space-age material, blasting the latest Duran Duran album. So do yourself a favor, pick up that phone and order yours today.*

* Requires use of time machine. Perhaps the aforementioned DeLorean. Time machine not included.

Granny Fashion

Let it never be said that I am fashion conscious. That is not to be taken in the traditional sense, that I do not take care in my appearance for, while this is true — a fact to which my various burlap and sack cloth ensembles attest — I mean “not fashion conscious” as in I am almost unaware that people design clothes in a way that would be pleasing to the eye. I am fashion comatose. I am fashion regressive.

This fact was probably not immediately aware to my new colleagues but it was not long after I arrived at the Catacombs, wearing a newly acquired potato sack, that it began to dawn on them that something might be amiss. Escorted into a deceptively large and well lit boardroom I was seated at a large table. Here Nadya, in what I assume was a generous act of good faith, laid out an impressive spread of photographic content which would be appearing in the third issue of their magazine. Obviously anticipating a thoughtful reaction I made an effort to appear knowledgeable. Picking up one of the photos I scrutinized it fastidiously, pursing my lip and nodding in what I hoped was a convincingly savvy manner. Finally, after a seemingly endless forty seconds I placed the photo down, leaning back and tenting my fingers I said, with absolute authority “These are beautiful. That dress makes her bosom look really impressive.” I need not tell you that the silence in that room was deafening.

You must then take my enthusiasm for these reading glasses with something approaching a brick of salt. It is all together possible that my enthusiasm for these glasses from Filao — which are being distributed on this continent by French Melody — stems from a shameful fantasy of them hanging round the lily-white neck of a svelte, Alt-librarian. This is a bad reason to like something, especially considering that there are no Alt libraries near me, nor in existence. Still, there’s something about the masquerade aesthetic and the ability to fold them away that is undeniably appealing, even to someone as fashionably brain-dead as yours truly.

Better Than Coffee: The Jonzun Crew

I am unwavering in my conviction that Auto-Tune will somehow bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it. And yet… I’ll always have a soft spot for early 80s talkbox/vocoder robot vocals. This morning I’m grinding my beans to Michael Jonzun and his band of space cowboy brothers, The Jonzun Crew.

Left: Michael Jonzun in Manhattan, 1983, photographed by Janette Beckman. Right: LP cover art for Jonzun Crew’s single, “Space is the Place”.

The Boston-based band’s sci-fi theatrics borrowed heavily from the likes of Sun Ra and Parliament, but their electro-funk/hip-hop sound was something quite different. Jonzun Crew had several releases on Tommy Boy between ’81 and ’85. For the most part, their over-the-top costumes kept them sidelined as a novelty act. Eventually, tragically, Michael and his brother Maurice embraced the dark side of the Force, ending their epic space adventure to become executive producers for the likes of New Edition and New Kids on the Block. (Actually, if you click below, you can watch a Jonzun Crew video that includes footage of baby Bobby Brown pop-and-locking for his lamé-clad uncles.)

Allan Amato’s Crossdressing Party Portraits

Issue 01 contributor/photographer Taslimur and Ash

Last Thursday, Coilhouse staff photographer Allan Amato threw a crossdressing party at his studio/loft. For various reasons we ourselves couldn’t make it, and now that we’re seeing the party photos from that night, we’re twice as sad that we weren’t there. To me, these spontaneous, messy party photos are just as powerful as Allan’s most pristine, carefully-composed fashion masterpieces. This series, intended to be only a private gallery for the party attendees until I begged him to let me post it here, is honestly one of my favorite things that Allan’s ever done.

Click after the cut for lots and lots more photos. I identified people where I could, but wasn’t sure of everyone’s name. If you were there, identify yourself in the comments!

Joining Chenman’s Mickey Mouse Club

A ruff and a space helmet – two great tastes that taste great together! This is the work of Chenman, a 20-something Beijing photographer. Her work’s been published in fashion magazines around the world, and though she already has campaigns for MAC, Chanel, Sony Ericsson and Canon under her belt, I have a feeling that she’s just beginning to pick up speed. Chenman’s web presence consists of a portfolio website and a blog. The latter’s in Chinese, but there are still plenty of images to enjoy.

90% of Chenman’s portfolio consists of pristine commercial images, but a good look at the personal portfolio on her site her site reveals the weirdo lurking underneath. You can tell just by looking at her picture that this chick’s got spunk and a sense of humor. Any high-end fashion photographer who tells a model to stick a tissue in her nose & hold that pose is OK in my book. I love her ongoing preoccupation with Mickey Mouse ears. One to watch! More favorites after the jump. [Thanks, monk3y!]

Coilhouse Style Vanguard: Ryan Oakley

We’re reviving Coilhouse Style Vanguard, a column that spotlights stylish individuals from around the world. Previously, we featured Princest – you can read her segment here.

I met Ryan Oakley in Toronto lat year. It was during my exhibit at the Plastik Wrap boutique – Ryan had just purchased one of my prints and I was oohing and ahhing over his immaculate outfit. It was composed of a suit tailored so precisely it would stop fashion non-believers in their tracks and a shirt, tie, vest and socks all clearly chosen with expert care. He was a pinstriped vision, carefully treading the line between aristocrat and pimp.

Ryan Oakley with his print

The suit-as-hipster-gear has been around for a long time, but this guy looked like someone who truly understood and respected it. There was a certain je ne sais quoi… An air of “that’s right, bitches” about him that I found entirely justified. Last week Ryan put forth his suit expertise in an informative and hilarious post simply titled The Used Suit. In fact, Ryan writes about men’s fashion a great deal in his multi-faceted blog, The Grumpy Owl. From the About page:

Although Ryan Oakley began his career as a simple rake, he has since become Toronto’s most renowned flaneur and notorious dandy.  A composer of psychogeographic fictions, he is also a server of food, a tender of bar and a washer of dishes. While performing all these functions with efficiency and elegance, he has also found the time to publicly criticize books, theatre and the beleaguered women in his life. Mr. Oakley reserves some of his misanthropic vitriol for his own blog, The Grumpy Owl.

He’s also part of The Worldwide Culture Gonzo Squad, where he shares the blog-o-stage with several esteemed colleagues, including Coilhouse friend Jerem Morrow and Stylish Gent‘s M1k3y. So if Ryan’s masterful dandyism and tailoring insights aren’t enough to convince you that he’s one cool cat, check out some of his other posts, like Dinner With C’thulhu. It’s an instructional post where mister Oakley tells us how to entertain a precarious great old guest. Many topics are covered, from appropriate leather furnishing [“C’thulhu finds this comfortable as it allows ample room for Its tentacles but you will also be able to easily wipe any goo”] to dinner [“Human hearts are dreadfully difficult to obtain in today’s economy and the police tend to frown upon eating even the low quality, though well marinated, meat that can be found in your local hobo population”].

Without further ado, Ryan and his fashion philosophy, in his own words.

Tell us about the history of your look, its evolution.

I’ve been wearing suits since I was a child and, except for an unfortunate period during school, never lost the habit.  When I moved to Toronto I quickly discovered that everyone pays the wrong sort of attention to just another punk kid.  Since I was trying to drink underage and get away with a host of other ills, a suit and tie served me quite well.  These were simple black affairs, stolen from thrift shops, ran into the dirt, covered with blood, then replaced with another.

There’s a lovely mugshot of me wearing a grey pinstripe but, sadly, the police refused to give me a copy. The scum.

When I finally quit drinking and drugging, I discovered that I had money but no real outlet for what’s an obsessive monkey in my mind.   I dedicated myself, in earnest, to the vice of vanity.  Anything worth doing is worth overdoing and the money I may have put to some reasonable use is now going to my tailor.

What is your style philosophy?

Style is philosophy.  And I’m a logician.  I view clothing as being a system of syllogisms, paradoxes and axioms.  Like music or math, it attempts to be a pure expression of platonic reality.  Colours, patterns and textures must harmoniously combine to form an elegant truth.

Because this is my view, I pay no attention whatsoever to fashion.  Nor do I dress to express my office, my personality or my surroundings.  I wear a suit because I’m a western man and the suit is the single best item of clothing we have.

Aside from being a recognizable and well-governed medium, thus an interesting one to innovate in, it also appeals to and combines the fundamentals that every animal uses in its fur and feathers.  That is, the handicap principle, aposematism, cryptis and mimicry.

A suit is not a vulgar symbol of wealth, a display of superiority or an expression of bourgeois respectability.  It is a beautiful thing.  When I put one on, I hope for it to look equally normal and equally weird one hundred years in the past and one hundred years in the future.  That’s the meagre dimensions of the sartorial truth I aspire to.

Click below for the rest of the interview, a video and more photos, of course.

Coilhouse Tees Unleashed on the World

Rejoice! The new Coilhouse shop at shop.coilhouse.net is up and running, and the promised limited-run tees are available for all. Go there now! Buy! Buy! Buy! CONSUME!

For those of you who missed the post this weekend, here is everything you need to know about our new tees. For the TL;DR crowd, here are the bare essentials:

  • Shirts come in two different styles and cost $19.99
  • These particular shirts will only be offered this Monday-Friday, and never again.
  • We’re printing these shirts after we receive the last order on Friday. It will take us 1 week to screen-print all the shirts and ship them all.

Issue 02 wants to come along for the ride. If you’re getting a shirt and haven’t picked up Issue 02 yet, now’s the time to get both and save on shipping. Issue 01 is completely sold out now (even the non-limited edition), and there are just 250 copies of Issue 02 left in stock. Get one before they’re gone, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your mortal existence.

As always, thank you so much, everyone, for your support. Every day, you’re helping us make Issue 03 and continue doing what we love. Squishes to every one of you!

First-Ever Coilhouse T-Shirt: On Sale This Monday!

Get ready to INFORM. INSPIRE. INFECT! Next week, and next week only, we will be offering our first-ever limited run of Coilhouse tees.

We’re screen-printing these shirts in reflective silver ink on black T-shirts from American Apparel. We will be offering two different unisex styles, which you can check out in the pictures after the jump. On the front, we have the monocled, corseted, seahorse-obsessed INFORM cover girl from Issue 01, drawn by Zoetica (here’s the original sketch). On the back, our slogan. Simple, sexy, eye-catching.

The shirts will go up for sale on Monday, and the last day to order will be on Friday. This window of time will be your last chance to get a Coilhouse shirt for a while, because after this sale is over, it’s crunch time on Issue 03 for us. It will be your only chance to get this particular style.

Image gallery, sizing chart and mini-FAQ about the shirts after the jump. Other questions are welcomed in the comments.

Yes, Yes, We Would Wear It.

Kermit coat by Jean-Charles de Castelbajac, “ready-to-wear” outfit by Lie Sang Bong. Below: Pepi’s-inspired hair action by fashion students from the Universidad Pontificia Bolivariana.

NBC has pulled together a lovely gallery consisting of 100 crisp, large-sized images from various recent fashion shows, titled: “Would You Wear It?” I love finding outlandish new designs, but quickly tire of sifting through hundreds of dull runway photos on places like Style.com in order to find them. So these kind of galleries – which usually have names like “Looks You Won’t Be Caught Dead In” – are extremely helpful. All the images in this post are from the NBC gallery except for the muppet one – that I found here. I also enjoyed NBC’s crystal-clear Gaultier and McQueen galleries. I’d seen photos of both these collections before, but the photography here is the best. The makeup in the McQueen collection is terrifying!

Uber-hot mask by Lydia Delgado. Imagine wearing that with these shoes! And nothing else.