Quiet, everyone. Ruhe, bitte! Teacher’s in and you must make room for her hair. Today’s lesson is a crash course in German. Your aids will be Kraftwerk, a parrot and the color red. Sharpen your pencils and brains as you pay close attention to this 80s TV treasure.

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Perhaps if my French classroom had been black, and my teacher were Nina Hagen, I’d be fluent by now. Alas.

This installment of Z!ST is brought to you by two things I find myself missing more often than not: film and coffee houses. Kris Krug from Vancouver was here a few weeks ago and, to my happy surprise, used film for most of our photos. We shot at Cafe Muse – a relatively new coffee-zone that stays open ’til midnight and, staying true to its name, provides a guitar & piano to its patrons. There is live music, beverages and excellent food at this oasis amidst the dusty clamor of Santa Monica Boulevard.

Words can hardly express how elated I am at the concept of a real cafe within walking distance in my neighborhood, especially one that stays open past 8pm. Hollywood, for the most part, is a city of soulless cardboard franchises, thus it’s a treat to finally have a place nearby where I can station, laptop and coffee in hand, for an evening of writing, sketching, whatever. Such places are utterly crucial to the sanity of the few of us still breathing in this palm-infested desert metropolis. These simple pleasures shouldn’t be so rare.

Oh yes, the outfit! A rare but welcome instance of simplicity appreciation. Usually not a proponent of stirrups, I made an exception for these leggings, in part due to the fact that I found them at a home appliance store in Koreatown. Click on for shopping informations and more photos.

In a stroke of pure demented genius Kacper Hamilton has created a set of cups inspired by the Seven Deadly Sins.

These red wine glasses are based on the 7 deadly sins. Each glass encapsulates a sin, which is revealed through the ritual of drinking. The ‘7 Deadly Glasses’ are about celebrating passion and encouraging the user to be sinful in a theatrical fashion.

From their English laboratories straight to your chateau, these delightfully hedonistic goblets are made to order. Browse the entire set, below.

Too much is not enough for you, sir! You’ll gulp and slurp like a filthy pig while attempting to suck out the very last drops from the cup of Greed.

You enemies will truly feel your Wrath as you jab their jugular with this perilous object, then drink their sweet blood while they fight for a final breath.

Impeccable live sound, eye-poppingly elaborate costumes and hot ladies – what more could you ask of a Japanese visual rock band? Alright, so the ladies aren’t exactly ladies, but blast it, can they shred! These days, most old school visual bands have, for better or worse, abandoned their frills and velvet for a more modern and somewhat more masculine look. I didn’t think I’d ever get to personally witness the kind of gloriously indulgent showmanship as I did last night.

Versailles in full regalia. Click image for a large version.

As it turns out, while Japan’s visual rock scene’s been winding down for a long time now, some goodness is yet to be reaped. Yesterday this was proven once and for all at a sold out show here in Hollywood. My jaw hit the floor when Versailles, a supergroup formed last year from ex-members of Lareine, Sufuric Acid and Sugar Trip, entered the stage. I was a wee kid in a candy-shop as this straight out of an acid-tinged Anne Rice cosplay vision appeared before the shrieking audience. The hair? Huge. The outfits? Hand-beaded and perfectly gaudy. The singer? Oh yes, he wore a cape. And pantaloons. And heels. Where the hell was Poppycock?

They had this “visual” thing, undisputedly, down. It did not end there, however. Unlike another supergroup I saw live last year, Versailles worked it. There was no phoning it in for these poised professionals; not a missed note, cracked heel or torn hem – the show was excellent from beginning to end, powder breaks and all. Between Hizaki and Teru’s metal guitars, Kamijo‘s crooning and intense cape maneuvering I was reminded of Barry Manilow, Las Vegas and Lestat in all the right ways. Watch the ten-minute opus below and be transported to a darquer side of French royalty (had French royalty been Japanese and used flatirons) as you bask in the grandeur of Versailles.

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• Official Versailles website
• Official Myspace page

Coffin furniture has long been within reach around the ‘wub. At Casketfurniture.com the macabre enthusiast will find beds, coffee tables and a private coffin phone booth called “The Edison”, no less. Coffinitup.com even offers a coffin computer desk! Unfortunately much of what’s available today isn’t particularly attractive and has too much of a novelty feel. But now there is something to make even the pickiest of decorators salivate. Behold!

For those not fond of woodgrain and longing for a sleeker look coffincouches.com offers custom couches made from 18 gauge steel coffins, upholstered and finished to your every whim.

We approached funeral directors with the attitude of recycling. These coffins are not used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies. They are reconfigured and modified resulting in a finished product – a unique one a kind coffin couch. If you notice (although it may be too small) the six cast iron heavy duty legs are embossed with the universal biohazard insignia. The reason we utilize this sign is because safety is our utmost concern. If you are not aware, once a human body is placed in a coffin it is considered biohazard tissue. The legs have the embossed insignia for precautionary reasons in the event body fluids are exchanged on these coffins.

Golly, they’ve thought of everything! And for $3,500 + shipping you too can own one of these exquisite pieces. Not a bad deal, I say.

Yves Saint Laurent has passed away at 71. This was the man to take over the house of Dior barely in his 20s, to bring us the some of the best in women’s pant suits, the first to stream his runway shows online, the first to hire black models and creator of the famed Mondrian dress among his huge body of work as a designer. Let us not mourn his passing but applaud and be inspired by his accomplishments, instead.

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A handsome young Yves in 1962, just one year after launching his own house.

Allow me, for a moment, to indulge my inner 14 year old. Set aside any prejudice you might have against models and guns to revel in this glorious anime-inspired spread by Chinese photographer Chen Zhun.

It’s unclear whether these specimens are genetically modified or touched by Photoshop magic, but, between their sky-high legs [unofficial leg day on Coilhouse?], skin tight gear and hilarious action faces I just don’t care. While I’d avoid putting flames on the motorcycle and add more interesting hairstyles to the shoot, overall this is the sort of thing that fills me with unabashed glee.

And the clothes! The cast of Æon Flux would approve. As realistic as clear milk-filled breast domes and riding motorcycles in heels & underpants can be – thus appropriately animé. The translucent boots, beige leather and strange eggish backpack which I now must acquire are my favorite. Forge onward through the jump for more antelope women, helmets and latex.

Via drtenge.

Cyd Charisse might be most remembered for her emerald gangster mole number in Singing In The Rain but it’s her serpentine performance with Fred Astaire in The Girl Hunt Ballet, a sequence from The Band Wagon, that has me floored this morning. Here they are, cutting the rug at Dem Bones Café like there’s no tomorrow.

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Coilfact: Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” video is based on this number.

By the time she was fourteen, Cyd (born in Texas Tula Ellice Finklea) was honing her moves under the pseudonym “Felia Sidorova” with the Ballet Russe. I don’t exactly envision Nizhinskaya secretly teaching her to loosen her hips and knees, but Cyd’s signature style certainly displays the precision of strict ballet training behind the fluid writhing and risqué kicks so loved by her fans. There is a power to this performer’s presence that transcends sexuality and grace, as if hinting at a playful sorceress, ever-threatening to reveal herself before a charmed audience.

Coilfact: Charisse made the 2001 Guiness Book of World Records as “Most Valuable Legs” after receiving a $5,000,000 insurance policy on her legs. And how!

Can’t get enough?

• Cyd Charisse official site
• Young Cid with Ricardo Montalban
• Fetish favorite: Cyd romancing legwear in Silk Stockings. Impressive!
• And plenty more, on the YouTube

Traveling on business usually leaves no time to explore your surroundings. Spare moments are generally dedicated to little more than sleep and maybe a bath. However, should you have a few hours between meetings, what better way to spend them than exploring some industrial areas around town! Especially if that town happens to be Denver, Colorado, which was the case with this particular excursion.

Who knew that within a few driving minutes we’d be greeted with the foreboding towers of a power plant, intricate and doomy enough to echo the painting of our beloved Yakov Chernikov! Photographer James Stolzenbach and I swiftly snapped as much as we could before being kindly asked to leave by a burly trucker. He came completely out of nowhere, truck and all, and I suspect dark powers were at work. That and video cameras.

Dress: Crystal Candy at Common Era, Denver
Fingerless gloves: random sock shop in Tokyo
Striped socks: Target
Boots: Luichiny on Melrose, LA

Make up by Breanna and Sally of Beauty Box, lips by me*

*I used MAC Liquidlast liner on my lips. Please, do not do this unless you have a powerful make up remover within reach. This stuff does not come off otherwise. At all. I had to use my fingernails.

More photos beyond the jump!

I’m convinced that The Steve Allen Theater is some sort of shadowy government secret, which must the reason we hadn’t heard about the David Cronenberg retrospective they’ve been running for the past few weeks until recently. As a drooling fan of everything from Spider to The Fly, I think this is fantastic and, at $8/ticket, a great deal.

I did a little reconnaissance work and found ample parking, good sound and a pleasant audience, despite lack of a concession stand – bringing own snacks next time. Though the retrospective is now drawing to an end, you still have the chance to watch Existenz on May 24th, which is this Saturday and Spider on May 31st which will be shown with Cronenberg’s latest short film.

Beautiful front & back cover art for the spring program booklet.
Page through the entire thing here.

Located at The Center For Inquiry in Hollywood, the theater has a abundantly promising spring/summer line-up of cartoons, performances, mystery movies including Soylent Green on June 1, and so much more. Go forth, consume, and tell us what you think!

Steve Allen Theater
4773 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90027
(323) 666-4268