Circuit Bent Decapitated Barbie Head

“It’s time for GLAMOR… What should we do to become GLAMOROUS?”


Via Colin Peters.

Glad you asked, Island Princess Barbie! How about letting the gloriously demented folks from Freeform Delusion circuit bend the ever-lovin’ frak outta you? They’re going to skin your pretty little head and soup it up with a switchable mono mini jack output, voice relay bypass, glowing/alternating LED eyeballs, and pitch manipulators. Would you like that, Barbie? Now you’re ready for the ball! You look like royalty. Let’s all sing.

How to Have Sex at Work

This early 90s-style instructional video by Ceciley Jenkins, guest-starring Lisa Nova, provides step-by-step guidelines for staging a steamy yet inconspicuous office tryst. Cecily’s educational workplace tutorials, which also include How to Poop at Work and followed by How to Eat Cheap at Work, equip you with all the skills you need to succeed in a high-pressure office environment. For more of Cecily, see Actress does Double Rainbow Audition Monologue and Jersey Shore presents Mashterpiece Theater.

On a tenuously related note:

“I can go twice as hiiiiiiigh…”

Is it just me, or is an exceptionally pungent cloud of irony-infused nostalgia hanging o’er the interwub like a stale pegacorn fart today? First, three different people send me this. Also, this has resurfaced. Someone just made me watch “Falkor Gone Wild“. And now, this:

*sob*

I’m so glad Z published that Captain Eo post. A questionable antidote for the inappropriate diddling of one’s childhood, perhaps, but still. Every little bit helps.

HAIR-GASM! The Best of the 2010 Hairstyling Awards

Every year, the the North American Hairstyling Awards competition brings forth a new crop of rainbow-colored, architectural, retro-inspired, hair-spirational eye candy. This year’s recently-announced winners and nominees pushed the envelope more than ever before. There are multiple images form each nominee in each category, so click on each entrant’s name below if you want to see more images from that particular series. Be sure to check out the before-and-after images in the Haircolor category – it’s amazing what professional lighting and a great styling team can do. An array of sci-fi heroines, snow queens, robots and circus starlets, after the jump. [Via amazing hairstylist Holly Jones, who’s been providing hair help to Coilhouse editorials since Issue 01].

See also:


Heather Wenman – 2010 nominee, Master Hairstylist of the Year category

BTC: “Ritalin” by Dancing Pigeons

Corporate patronage does not equal crappy art, even if said art is associated with a stupid campaign. That statement may be literally true in the case of this short film commissioned by Diesel:U:Music:


(Via Siege.)

The concept for “Ritalin” (a Dancing Pigeons music video directed by Tomas Mankovsky) is based on Diesel’s theme for their spring jeans collection, Fire & Water. It’s easy to see how the gonzo style of the short dovetails nicely into Diesel’s recent, polarizing “Be Stupid” commercial campaign. Still, “Ritalin” stands on its own as a feisty, snarling gem of a short film.

Tripping Balls With UNARIUS

Wheeeeeeee…


MY GOD IT’S FULL OF STARS. AND PINK POLYESTER.

The Unarius Academy of Science is a non-profit organization founded in in the mid 50s in California, with various cells still located throughout the United States as well as Canada, Japan, and Nigeria. Unarius is an acronym which stands for UNiversal ARticulate Interdimensional Understanding of Science. Founded by Ernest and Ruth Norman, Unarius espouses “a new interdimensional science of life based upon fourth dimensional physics principles.” Ernest Norman also believed that the Chinese “evolved from ancient interstellar migrants who began colonizing Mars a million years ago.” After being attacked by native humans, these interstellar migrants reportedly returned to Mars, where they now live in subterranean dwellings. In 2001, the Unarians were all supposed to fly away in a fleet of spaceships, but that doesn’t appear to have worked out so great for ’em. From Wiki:

From the period of 1954-1971, when Ernest Norman still controlled the organization, the organization defined “the mission” as the bringing in of the interdimensional science of life in the books channeled by Ernest Norman. In the period of 1972-1993, while Ruth Norman guided the organization, the organization experienced renewed growth and public awareness. “The mission” became bringing Unarius to the masses. Ruth Norman granted interviews, appeared on The Late Show […] and kept very up-to-date technologically with video productions and a studio built in the late 1970s when such equipment was still in its infancy. Unarius video productions began appearing on public access stations all over the United States…

…much to the delight of stoned and tripping teenagers nationwide. Watch their entire “educational” film, The Arrival, below.

Televarieté 1982

Summer’s in full swing on this side of the globe. And while some of us prefer to spend it muttering curses from our dark, igloo-cold habitats, others revel in everything the roasting season has to offer, from scant jumpers to synchronized gymnastics.

For fans of knee socks, stripes and side ponytails everywhere, here’s a gem I’ve been saving for this special time of year. Brought to you by the ever-dauntless Ballet Company of the Czechoslovak Television, this mighty dance number sets out to demonstrate a harmonious marriage of disco and sports. Watch, as these leggy athletes march, kick, and river-dance their way into your heart. Also, look out for inexplicable boxing pantomime around the middle. A choreographic triumph!

DJ Tobuscus and the Orgasm Turtle

The YouTube channel of Toby Turner (aka Tobuscus) has been a guilty pleasure ’round these parts ever since he first posted “FALCOR THE URINATOR” back in 2007. That’s a very long time in internet years– almost as long as the amount of time that someone here at the compound [not naming names] has been secretively compiling a vast personal stoke material archive of erotic clips of amorous turtles. Imagine [REDACTED]’s joy when they discovered that Tobuscus made this remix:

Or… maybe don’t imagine that. Nevermind. Sorry.

Tyskarna Från Lund – Global Fussball OK


via Melody, thanks!

And so, with a melange of yellow cards, red fury and vuvuzela farts, the World Cup has come to a close. In adjunctive honor of the ensuing global FIFA spaz-out, here’s the raddest Swedish synthpop football anthem ever made, courtesy of Tyskarna Från Lund. (Extra points of awesomeness for that Nina Hagen reference.)

Warning: Why Can the Bodies Fly

Ever wonder what it would sound like if Darth Vader went to a Berlin discotheque and spontaneously suffered anal prolapse after indulging in one-too-many ketamine suppositories? WUNDER NO MOAR:

You can blame thank DJ Dead Billy for this introduction to the one-hit-weirdness that was Warning’s “Why Can the Bodies Fly“. (Germany, 1982.) Boogie music ain’t been this afflicted since a certain muppet lost his cookie at the disco.